Chapter 31 text

Monday August 2

 

 

I sat in my truck, debating whether to actually get out and go to the door. I had promised Alice that we would have “the talk” today and I would explain the whole Edward situation to her. However, now that I was parked in her driveway, I wasn’t sure if this was the best idea.

The moment I decided to put on my big girl pants and just get this over with, the front door opened and the newlyweds walked out hand in hand. Alice was dressed in a gray jumpsuit, looking like she just walked off the cover of a magazine and Jasper was dressed for work.

“Hey, Bella,” she smiled, as we all congregated on the porch. Alice pulled me into a hug while Jasper stood there smiling at us.

“You look happy,” he said, as he came over to give me a hug.

A fierce blush spread over my face before he chuckled and let me go. “I am,” I replied as I looked at both of them.

Alice and Jasper shared a look before he kissed her goodbye and made his way over to their new Porsche, walking right past his pickup truck.

“Jasper Theodore Whitlock!!!” Alice bellowed. “You are not taking my wedding present to work so that it can sit in some crappy underground parking lot all day!!!”

Jasper opened the door and slid into the car with a smile on his face. “Sorry, Mrs. Whitlock, but it’s my present too and I want to show it off.”

A huge smile lit up her face at the sound of her new name. “You don’t play fair.” She huffed as she made her way down the driveway to kiss her husband goodbye. “Have a good day at work, honey,” she giggled as she kisses him again.

Alice turned around, literally skipped up the driveway and linked her arm through mine. “Come on, Miss Sassy Pants. I want to meet this new Bella who’s in love and has learned to say ‘no’ to Rosalie Hale. Very brave.” She joked with a proud look on her face as she dragged me into her house.

We flopped down on the couch, surrounded by shiny presents and large bows. We had planned on opening and taking inventory of the wedding gifts before she would make me lunch and I would update her on Edward. But as it looked, she was more interested in me than in her waiting gifts.

“Soooo…” she prodded.

“Shall we start on the gifts?” I hedged, hoping to have a little time to put my story in order.

“I don’t think so,” she laughed.

We sat there in silence for a breath before she spoke.

“Rose and I were talking after we left your place last night. Neither of us have ever seen you so happy and so…you. I still can’t believe you told Rose to back off. I don’t remember the last time you said no to me, let alone Rosalie Hale. No one says no to the Ice Queen.”

We couldn’t help but laugh at Rose’s old nickname. Funnily enough, it was Emmett that first came up with it.

“So come on, Bella; start spilling the beans.”

I started at the wedding, explaining how Edward and I danced out in the hallway, how we came back to my place after the wedding and how I ended up crying in his arms all night because of a dream about Jacob. I went through our first kiss in the morning, our first date watching Tremors in the park, the box of cupcake roses, how I told him about Jacob, the teddy bear and box of chocolate kisses, and on and on. I told her about our practices on the couch, our touches and kisses. Finally, I told her about how we made love the first time, how we confessed our love to each other the first time, my fight with Charlie, and eventually, I told Alice about Tanya and Dr. James.

“Hold on,” she said, as she raised her hands up in a stop position. “So let me get this straight. In the 21 days that I’ve been gone, you met a man, spent the night with him when you had only known him for a couple of hours, fell in love, had sex for the first time, gave a man a key to your house, found out Jake was getting married, severed all contact with your dad, and started therapy?”

“Umm…yes?” My answer came out in the form of a question. Alice was giving me a look that made me sink into the couch and want to hide beneath the blanket that hung on over the back cushions. I knew that I was in trouble.

“So in this time, it never occurred to you to call your best friend and update her on the most important three weeks of your life?” Alice reached behind her, grabbed a throw pillow, and threw it at me. There was a smile on her face, but genuine concern in her eyes.

“Bella, why didn’t you tell me any of this? You could have phoned or emailed me. Don’t people usually share life-altering events with their best friend?” she pulled out all the stops; sad voice, pouting bottom lip and puppy dog eyes.

I took the throw pillow and threw it back at her as we both dissolved into a light laughter.

“Of course this is stuff you share with your best friend. It’s just that you were away on your honeymoon, climbing trees, seeing whales, getting knocked up...” Alice lifted the pillow in warning at the ‘knocked up’ comment.

“I wanted to tell you, Alice. And I know this sounds stupid, but after what happened the first time I told Charlie about Edward, I was afraid that if I told anyone, it would ruin us. If my own father thinks a guy he’s never met is too good for his own daughter, what would others think?”

Alice and I were quiet for a bit as I stared down at my entwined hands.

“Are you happy?” I looked up at my best friend, meeting her eyes and nodded. Happy tears sprung to my eyes. “Then who cares what others think.”

She wrapped her arms around me, gave me a kiss on the cheek, and then pushed me back to my side of the couch.

“Okay, just one more question, then it’s present time! What’s he like in bed?”

A deep blush spread across my face as I thought of Edward’s touch; his lips, our love making. Tender and loving were the words that immediately came to mind, but instead I simply told Alice that he was perfect.

oooOOOooo

We spent the next three hours quizzing each other about our weeks apart while Alice pulled off bows and ripped through paper. I inventoried all the wedding gifts they had received taking note of who gave them what and how much cash was collected. When I asked why she was opening everything without Jasper, she got a little shy and said that he had told her that she was the only gift he cared about, the rest was all for her. 

Once everything was opened and accounted for, Alice printed out the thank-you card that she and Jasper had created on their computer. While I addressed all the envelopes, Alice wrote a personal message on each one, signed her name, and left a spot for Jasper to sign his.

We stood back and gazed over the sea of gifts that they had received. There was over $2000 in cash, plus almost every home accessory one could think of; picture frames, candle holders, salad bowls, silverware, wine glasses, bedding, and more.

“So when do we get to go on a double date?” Alice asked, as we gathered the garbage from around the living room and placed all the gifts in the corner of the room.

I flopped down on the couch as I thought about Alice and I finally going out together.

“Whenever you’d like,” I replied with a smile.

She bounced down on the couch beside me with a giddy smile on her face.

“So tell me more, Bella. Tell me about you and Edward.”

“What do you want to know?” I regretted the words as soon as they left my lips. I knew that I was giving Alice free reign to ask whatever she’d like. A tender smile spread across her face, but her eyes were genuine with concern.

“What was your first time like?” There was an innocence and sincerity in the way that she asked the question.

I took a moment to think about the first time Edward and I had sex, the anxiety that I felt, the tenderness in his touch and the drive I had to just be with him.

I finally turned and looked at Alice. “It was scary as hell!”

She let out a little chuckle before asking me to elaborate.

“It was….intense. Edward was leaving the next day and I already new that I was in love with him. We were fooling around and then I just became desperate. I needed him. Needed to touch him, to open up to him, to be held by him.”

I remembered what Alice had said about her first time, that it felt like diarrhea going backwards out the wrong hole. And, as much as I tried, I couldn’t help but laugh.

“What’s so funny?” she asked with some hesitation.

“Just remembering how you described your first time.”

A blush actually tinted her cheeks as she snorted and shook her head. “Please tell me your first time was better.”

“Yes, it was better. Much better.”

Alice kept asking questions, gently prodding for more and more details that I wouldn’t give. I told her about my emotional confusion, how I sat in the bathtub afterwards and the intense sadness I felt the next morning when he left.

We continued talking, merging into my depression questionnaire and my meeting with James. Our discussion turned from fun and light to serious and daunting. She was adamant that she did not want me to see Dr. James again. She was so determined in her opinion that I should find a new doctor, that she actually pulled out her laptop and googled him in front of me.

The search results for Dr. James Wylder were mixed. Some were pages about his book, while some were reviews on a “Rate your Doctor” webpage. In general, the reviews were glowing from the medical community and reserved or critical from patients. The general consensus was that he was abrupt and raw, but good at what he did. He got people to face their issues and eventually face them head on. It just may not have been the easiest road to get there.

By the time Alice and I went through the first page of the google results, James’ outlook didn’t look the greatest. The conversation was draining and emotional, having to re-face the events of that therapy session. I was exhausted, emotional but somewhat relieved. It had been a long day opening up about everything, but it was good to have Alice back. I missed her more than I realized and having my best friend back was a huge comfort.

By the time I left, Jasper was pulling into the driveway and my eyelids were heavy. I was drained but yearning for Edward.

I drove straight to Edward’s place from Alice’s. It was already after 6:30 in the evening and my stomach was starting to growl. On top of that, I missed him. I hadn’t heard from him all day and after having Alice bombard me with questions about us for hours, I just wanted to be in his arms.

“Edward?” I called, as I walked straight into his home. I didn’t bother knocking, I missed him that much. I walked into the kitchen and saw him sitting in the reading nook with his laptop on his lap.

“Hey, beautiful,” he smiled as he put his computer down and opened his arms to me. I dropped myself on the couch next to him in a very un-ladylike fashion and threw my arms around his neck. Instantly, I felt calm, relaxed and at home.

“You okay?” he laughed, as he kissed the top of my head.

“I’m tired and I missed you. As much as I love and missed Alice, that girl can be tiring. She basically asked about us for six hours straight.” Edward laughed harder into my hair as I snuggled deeper into his arms.

“First,” I continued as I pulled back and leaned against his chest, “we talked for over two hours about what she had missed and what had been happening in my life since she went on her honeymoon. Then, as we opened her wedding presents, she continued to ask me question after question about you, what you were like, what kind of dates had you taken me on, what kind of kisser were you, were you good in bed. We basically talked about you the whole time.”

“That must have been torture,” Edward laughed and he squeezed me.

I looked up at him from my spot on his shoulder and kissed the side of his jaw. It was obvious that it wasn’t enough for Edward as he shifted so that he could kiss me properly. It was a soft, slow kiss full of longing and tenderness.

“As much as I love you,” I said once we separated and I resumed my spot resting against his chest, “no more talking for me. Tell me how your first official day as a musical therapist went.”

I sat there, leaning against Edward. His arms wrapped around me and occasionally he would place a kiss on the top of my head. He told me about his day, his patients, and the official documents he had to sign. The last thing I remember before falling asleep in his arms was him telling me something about a vacation schedule.

oooOOOooo

“Bella,”

I felt a gentle kiss and all I could manage was a grunt.

“Love, dinner’s here. Do you want to eat something?”

I slowly opened my eyes to see Edward kneeling on the floor in front me. I was lying down on the couch in his reading nook. There was a pillow under my head and a light blanket draped over me.

“Dinner?” I managed to squeak out the one word before a large yawn took over.

“I ordered Chinese. Come. Let’s eat outside in the fresh air.”

He helped me up from the couch and we grabbed a plate of food. He had ordered so many dishes that it almost covered his entire kitchen island. I looked at him in shock.

“I didn’t know what you would like, so I ordered a little of everything”

We ate outside in the setting sun. I asked him to tell me again about his day since I felt bad about falling asleep during part of his story.

“What was I going to do? Argue over six week’s holidays? Of course not! I don’t know why I had to bring a union rep with me to sign the contract. It’s higher pay, better hours, consistent hours, better benefits and more vacation. It’s my dream job.”

Edward had a huge smile on his face as he shoved a forkful of guy ding in his mouth.

“The only down side,” he continued once he was done chewing, “is that I don’t get to work with Jasper as much as I’d like. He’s in one part of the unit and I’m in the other. We still get to see each other and talk, but I was hoping to work closer with him. He’s really good at what he does.”

We sat out on his back patio for the rest of the evening, sipping on the sangria he made, watching the sunset, and sharing easy conversation. We started a fire in the cast iron chimenea that sat on the corner of the patio and nestled together in its warmth.

It was a beautiful evening, resting in the arms of the man who loved me. We weren’t being physical, but it was such an intimate moment. It was everything that I told Alice our relationship was: perfect.

oooOOOooo

It was almost ten thirty by the time Edward and I went back inside, cleaned up the kitchen, and made our way to bed. I was completely exhausted and flopped onto the bed, simply lying there with my eyes closed as he undressed and brushed his teeth.

“You’re exhausted,” he whispered as he sat down beside me on the edge of the bed. He gently pushed my hair from my face and kissed my closed eyelids. A small smile played on my lips as I unconsciously turned my body towards his.

“I’ve missed you today,” he continued. “I missed us.”

“Me too,” I said as I slowly opened my eyes and took in his beauty. He was the most striking person I had ever seen. Regardless of the fact that he was only in his pajama bottoms and his bare chest was mere inches away, it was the love that I saw in his eyes that always took my breath away. And, even though I was half asleep, my desire for him grew. 

He leaned down and gently pressed his lips to mine. “Can I show you how much I missed you?” he asked as his lips gently skimmed over mine. With the slightest nod, Edward’s lips pressed slowly, but meaningfully into mine. The kiss was not hard or hurried, but there was no mistaking the intensity or its intent.

I could feel just the tip of Edward’s tongue tickle my bottom lip before he started to kiss along my cheek, up to suck gently on my earlobe and down my jaw line. My breath was slowly starting to speed up as my hands sought out any part of Edward that I could reach. I was thoroughly enjoying what Edward was doing to me, but I felt bad. I was far too tired to reciprocate any sort of intimacy tonight.

“Edward…” I breathed as his lips and tongue danced over the column of my neck. He started to pull the neck of my shirt to the side so that he could kiss along my shoulder. “It’s late,” I continued.

“Don’t worry, love,” he said as his lips returned to mine for a searing kiss. “Just let me show you how much I missed you. This is all about you.”

Edward sat back on his knees, and looked down at me. There was lust clearly written on his face, but also tenderness. He slowly untied the belt around my top and slid his hands under the hem until he was holding my sides.

“Arms up,” he murmured as he pushed the shirt over my head and tossed it on the floor. His lips were immediately on me once more, kissing and tasting my shoulder and my chest. He gently kissed each of my covered breasts before he reached around my back and unclasped my bra, drawing it aside, and taking a nipple into his mouth. He gently pulled on it and smoothed his tongue over my hardening nub.

A breathy moan left my lips as my hands ran through his hair. Edward’s lips were exquisite as they traveled across my skin, teasing, kissing, licking and sucking as they went. His hands skimmed over my sides as he made his way to my other breast, down my stomach and to the hem of my pants.

“Lift up for me, baby,” he whispered as he unfastened my pants and slowly started pulling them down. Once they had joined my top and bra on the floor, Edward kissed each toe on each foot, both ankles and crawled back up my body, slowly burning a path up both legs. I was quivering by the time his lips reached my thighs. 

His hot breathe concentrated right over my center before he kissed me over my underwear. Whoa, I thought as a tingle shot through my body from the single touch. That’s new. My body shook as he placed another soft kiss right over my covered center before he moved and kissed the hem of my panties.

It hit me like a gunshot. I understood what he had been saying. “Just let me show you how much I missed you. This is all about you.” Edward wanted to go down on me!

The overwhelming desire was quickly tainted by panic. The thought of his mouth on me, tasting me, and licking me made my bravery start to shatter.

I knew that it was supposed to be amazing; Alice had gone on and on the first time Jasper had gone down on her. But I couldn’t get over the fear. What if I smelled bad, or tasted gross?

NO! I warred with myself. This is Edward. He won’t care what I smell like or taste like. He loves me. He wants to pleasure me without any type of reciprocation. He’s just helping me push my limits. I have to trust him.

Unfortunately, at that moment, three things happened; he pulled my underwear aside, placed a kiss on my naked flash, and my body jerked in response to the intense sensation.

He propped himself up on his elbows so that he could look up at me. “Bella,” he whispered, “you okay?”

I was panting at the sensation, tense from the situation and attempting to nod my head to show Edward that I was okay. Hesitant, but okay.

“Bella, it’s all right. I won’t kiss you there if you don’t want me to.” He said as he lovingly kissed my thigh and started to pull away.

My eyes flew open at Edward’s words.

“But…I…” I was stunned that he would just stop.

“I just wanted a taste,” he smirked as he kissed my naked shoulder.

I wondered if he was being honest in saying that he only wanted a taste, or if he was calling it quits because of my involuntary body spasm. It was true that I was nervous, but I didn’t necessarily want him to stop. I felt bad that he always had to withhold his pleasure and desires for me.

“I’m sorry, Edward.”

“Sorry for what? It’s fine if you’re nervous and scared.”

“I’m sorry that you had to stop. I didn’t want you to stop. My body just reacted.”

I turned towards him, interlocked my legs with his and snuggled into his arms.

“I know it’s stupid,” I continued, “but I’m worried that you might get grossed out. What if I smell or taste gross?”

Edward chuckled as he lightly kissed my lips.

“Love, there is no way you could ever gross me out… and you didn’t smell bad. You smell like lust, and desire, and sex.” He kissed me again, increasing the intensity and lightly skimming his hand down my naked back.

“It’s hard for me to stay away from you when you’re lying here, naked and moaning,” he said as he started to run his hand over my hips and down my thigh, hooking it higher over his leg.  “But we’ll always go at your speed, love. I just wanted to make you feel good and I sometimes forget myself and forget that this is all new to you.”

Edward and I just held each other until he fell asleep. Unfortunately, sleep did not come so easily for me. I kept thinking about what he said about forgetting that this was all new for me and that we’d always go at my pace. It wasn’t fair for me to stop him just because I was inexperienced. He would never hurt me or push me too far. Plus, if I never pushed myself, how was I ever going to move past being inexperienced?

I had found strength in my own desire on Saturday when Edward and I went to see Cirque du Soleil. I had initiated things that morning in bed, in the shower and had pushed myself to be on top of him during sex that night. I had seen what I wanted and took it.  “See it, want it, take it, have it.”  It was my motto on Saturday and from now on, it was going to be the philosophy I strived to live by.