Chapter 30

Sunday August 1

“Okay, I think that’s about it.”

Edward and I had been at the grocery store since it opened at 7:00am, picking up everything that was needed for the surprise welcome home party I was throwing for Alice and Jasper. Everyone was scheduled to attend; Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper’s parents, Alice’s parents and myself and Edward. It would be a full house, in relation to the get-together’s I’d had in the past. I had figured that after three weeks of restaurant and hotels, a nice home cooked meal, that they wouldn’t have to cook themselves, was in order.

It was, however, still a surprise for Alice and Jasper. They were under the assumption that they were simply coming over to drop off a piece of luggage that Jasper had borrowed and to show me some pictures.

“What did you want to do for after dinner? Did you want to have snacks or dessert or anything?” Edward asked, as we made our way to the checkout counter.

I had everything else set for the meal:  crackers, cheese and stuff to make taco dip for an appetizer, broccoli and cranberries for a salad, a rack of ribs with onions and barbeque sauce, everything for tzatziki mashed potatoes, corn on the cob plus a bunch of options for drinks. I just hadn’t though of what to do for dessert.

“Well, Alice loves these little mojito cheesecake things that I make in shot glasses, so I guess I can make those for her.”

Edward and I got the rest of the ingredients needed, the proceeded to the check-out. The total came to almost $200 and we hadn’t gotten the rum from the liquor store for the cheesecake or stopped by Wal-Mart for the decorations yet. I knew that this would cost me a lot to throw this party, but it was something I wanted to do. So, with a deep breath and a nervous stomach, I pulled out my emergency credit card and handed it over to the cashier. Unfortunately, it seemed like I was too slow as Edward had already handed over his debit card and was putting his pin in the interact machine.

“What are you doing?” I snapped, as I took in Edward paying for my cart full of food.

“I got it, don’t worry.” Edward dismissed my worries as he returned his card to his wallet and started loading the groceries back in the shopping cart.

I was livid but remained silent, not wanting to cause a scene in the middle of the grocery store. I wanted to seethe in anger but cry from embarrassment at the same time. I found it sweet that Edward wanted to take care of me but this simple act made me feel like I couldn’t take care of myself.

My emotions were all over the place and I didn’t know if I was grateful or ashamed and I knew that I couldn’t confront Edward about it until I knew how I felt. We loaded the groceries into Edward’s car and drove to pick up the rest of the stuff from my list, ensuring that I paid for the rest.

By the time we got back to my house, the incident was all but forgotten.

“So where do we start?” Edward asked as he wrapped his arms around me from behind, kissed the top of my head and stared at the food spread out before us that needed to be prepared. I turned around in his arms and kissed him softly as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

“I think we should par-boil the ribs first and then start with the mojito cheesecake.”

Edward and I worked side by side, stealing looks, touches and kisses all afternoon until everything was prepared, cooking or marinating in the fridge. People weren’t due over for another couple of hours so Edward and I had some time to kill.

We sat in the living room, blowing up balloons, hanging a “welcome home” sign and tidying up here and there.

“I love you,” Edward proclaimed out of nowhere. He was setting the table as I was flipping the ribs and coating them with more sauce. I turned towards his voice and saw that he was leaning in the doorway to my dining room watching me. A slow smile lit up my face as I walked over to him and buried myself in his chest.

“I love you, too,” I whispered as his arms wrapped around me. I pulled back and looked at the man who held me as if I were the most precious thing in the world, the man who had changed my life and completely flipped it upside down. The man who loved me just as I was, flaws and all. If he wanted to pay for my groceries, that was fine. As long as he never let me go.

oooOOOooo

The doorbell rang as Edward flipped the corn on the cob that was grilling on the barbeque and I put the finishing touches on the mojito cheesecake shots. I ran to the door and greeted Emmett and Rose.

“Hey, kiddo. How are things going? It smells great in here. What’s to eat?” Emmett wrapped me up in a tight hung, kissed the top of my head and walked straight to the kitchen to grab some appetizers.

“Hey, Bella,” Rosalie laughed, as she pulled me into a hug and walked with me into the house to find Emmett.

Rose stopped halfway down the hallway. “Um…Bella?” I turned to find that Rose had stopped halfway down the hallway and was looking out my back window. “Who’s that guy in your backyard?” She turned to face me an eyebrow quirk and a smirk playing on her face.

I followed her line of sight and realized that she was staring at Edward. He was walking through the back door, entering the house with a couple cobs of corn wrapped in aluminum foil. He was pulling back the foil to check on the corn, not even remotely registering the fact that two girls were staring at him.

“The corn is pretty much done, love. I’ll just throw the finished ones in the oven to keep warm.”

Rose’s mouth dropped open as she turned her head to watch Edward walk into the kitchen. Before I could say anything, she took off after him.

“Thanks, dear,” she said in an obviously fake, seductive tone.

Edward’s head immediately whipped around, not realizing that anyone was in the house besides me. He looked around and saw that Emmett was already sitting at the kitchen table, beer open and half the crackers and cheese gone and Rose was standing beside me, laughing her head off.

“Hi, I’m Rosalie,” she said, still partly laughing, as she walked up to him and extended her hand out.

“Um, I’m Edward.”

Edward’s eyes met mine and I could definitely see the humor whirling around in them. The look on my face must have been hilarious.

“Hey, kiddo! What am I? Garbage? I don’t get any introductions? Who’s the chef?”

Everyone’s eyes turned to Emmett as he finished his beer. Both Rose and Edward laughed at the sight of him, a huge, muscular man with cracker crumbs all down the front of his shirt.

“Edward.” The boys stood and shook hands, both still smirking. “Can I get you another beer?”

“Sure.” Emmett brightened up and came to stand beside me, throwing his right arm over my shoulder. “Master chef AND bartender? Who is this magical ‘Edward’?”

“He’s…um…my boyfriend.”

Clearly, that was the wrong thing to say. Rose jumped in asking a hundred questions. While the boys went out back with their beers and to throw the ribs on the barbeque, Rose asked me where we met, who he was, how long we’d been dating, and of course, had he ‘popped my cherry’ as she so delicately put it.

“Listen, Rose,” I sighed. “I’ll explain everything later. I have stuff to finish in the kitchen before everyone else gets here. Just know that his name is Edward, we met at Alice’s wedding and we’ve been seeing each other ever since.”

I went to the fridge to pull out the ingredients to make the dressing for the broccoli salad and Rose was immediately on my heels.

“But - ”

‘That’s it for now, Rose. You can play twenty questions later. Can you grab the sunflower seeds from the cupboard please?” Rose grumbled under her breath as she helped me finish off everything. She kept asking little questions here and there but I kept ignoring her.

Edward came in every once in a while, bringing more wrapped corn to shove in the oven, placed tender kisses on the top of my head and whispered little things in my ear.

“There’s no need to be nervous, love,” he whispered. “It’ll be fine. Just relax.” He started to massage my shoulders as I finished mixing up the salad. I leaned back into his chest and let the built up tension start to leave my body. That was, of course, until the doorbell rang.

I jolted forward, immediately tense and nervous once again. Edward simply laughed, kissed my cheek, grabbed two more beers and went back outside taking Rosalie with him. I could hear her asking him questions as they made their way to the back deck.

Mr. and Mrs. Whitlock arrived and not three minutes later, the Brandon’s were here. We had all congregated out back, snacking on the taco dip, crackers and cheese when the final doorbell rang.

“Okay, everyone. That’ll be Alice and Jasper. Stay out here and I’ll bring them out back.”

I grabbed Edward’s hand, squeezed it tight and I pulled him along with me.

“Just….stay in the kitchen in case I need you, okay?”

He laughed as he pressed a tender kiss to my lips.

“Bella, it’s just Alice. She’s your best friend. Why are you nervous?”

I took a deep breath, shook my head and asked for him to wait in the kitchen. I opened the front door as Alice started ringing the doorbell over and over again.

“BELLA!!!!!” Alice screamed as she ran into the foyer. Her bright blue sundress flew out around her waist as she launched herself at me and threw her arms around my neck. “I’ve missed you so much. I have so much to tell you. Canada was so beautiful and the car…OH MY GOD!!!! I am in love with that car. So how have you been? How were classes…?” Alice just kept rambling on, a giant smile across her face.

Jasper walked in behind her, laughing at the sight of Alice’s death grip on me, kissed the top of my head and rolled two suitcases into the hallway.

“Hey, Jasper.” I squeaked out as Alice still had me wrapped in her tiny but mighty arms.

“Hey, Bella,” he smiled. “How have you been?”

“Not too bad. I’d be better if I could breath.”

At that, Alice let go, grabbed my hand and pulled me into the living room.

“Oh my God, you got balloons and a welcome home sign????” Alice was twirling around the living room, taking in the decorations before she sat on the couch, pulling Jasper down with her. She grabbed the smallest of her bags and laid it out. She unzipped it to reveal her laptop, computer cords and seventeen DVDs.

“We went a little camera happy,” she said bashfully as she pulled out her laptop and set it on the coffee table. It was then that I notice that Jasper had disappeared into the kitchen. I assumed he was talking to Edward and that was fine by me. The boys could deal with each other.

“Alice, before we start with the pictures, I have snacks and stuff set up out back. Come and tell me about the trip.”

Our arms linked together as we walked out through the back sliding doors where everyone screamed “WELCOME HOME!” Of course, Alice’s scream was the loudest as she ran to hug everyone. Jasper and Edward strolled out laughing at the commotion that Alice was making.

It took almost half an hour for Alice and Jasper to say hello to their families and it took another hour for the energy to calm slightly when Alice revealed that she was pregnant. I unconsciously tensed at the pregnancy talk, still allowing my own imperfections to interfere. Edward stood beside me at the barbeque, gently squeezing my hand and kissed the top of my head.

“The doctor didn’t say you can’t,” Edward reminded me. “We’ll just have to practice.” He whispered the reassuring words in my ear before he kissed my cheek and went back to rotating the ribs. I stared at him and let his presence calm me. I looked back out at the family, of which I was not a part of, and tried to immerse myself in their joyous energy. That lasted about two seconds.

The minute I met Alice’s eyes, I knew I was in trouble. She was giving me a strange look that clearly asked, “what is Edward doing here and why did he just kiss you?”  It was in that moment when I realized that I had a lot more explaining to do than I thought. I had never, not once, not even at our brunch before she left on her honeymoon, told Alice what happened when I left her wedding. Not in a single email or phone call.

“Is everything almost done?” I asked Edward, hoping that if I called everyone to dinner, I’d be able to distract Alice and push this conversation off until later. 

“Yup, it’s all ready.”

Edward loaded the last rib and cob of corn onto platters as I called everyone in for dinner. I grabbed the cheese, crackers and dip, allowing everyone in ahead of me to grab a drink and a seat. In all honesty, I was stalling. I didn’t want Alice to question me about this with everyone around.

As I walked back into the house, I noticed that Alice and Rose were whispering to each other, blocking the entrance to the kitchen.

“Bella…” Alice sang as she twirled back and forth, making her dress flair out at her knees. Both she and Rose had evil smiles on their faces and I immediately knew what was coming. I was being hijacked. “I think you have some explaining to do.”

I forced myself in between them, into the kitchen and started putting stuff on the table. Of course, Alice and Rose just stood there with their eyes trained on me, and their smirks growing by the second.

“Not now guys, okay?” I huffed. “Let’s just sit, have dinner and hear about the trip. This is a party for Alice and Jasper. We can talk about me later.”

As soon as everyone sat down and dug into the mountain of food on the table, Alice and Jasper started talking about the honeymoon. They told us about the trees, and the mountains, and the crazy hitchhikers that Alice made friends with at one of the hotels. There were stories about whale watching, how Alice tried to climb an 800 year old cedar in Vancouver Island’s National Park and how they went to a paleontology museum and actually got to go on an archeological dig.

“But the car,” Jasper started. “I swear, Emmett, that is the most amazing car I’ve ever been in. Whoever let you lend it to us is my hero. If that car were mine, I wouldn’t let it out of my sight. Where did you get a 1948, yellow, convertible Porsche anyway? I might just have to get one.”

“Well, no worries there, Jasper.” Emmett looked around the table at all our smiling faces before he let out the big news. “It’s yours. It’s a present from all of us.”

Once again, my home was filled with Alice’s screams as she jumped up from the table to hug her brother.

“Didn’t you wonder why there wasn’t a gift from any of us?” Mrs. Brandon laughed as Alice and Jasper made their way around the table hugging everyone.

“We actually haven’t opened any of the gifts yet,” Jasper explained as he grabbed Alice’s hand and brought her back to her seat. “We just figured that there would be cards from each of you.” 

The frivolity continued through dinner and the remainder of the evening. Pretty soon, the ‘adults’ left for the night and it was just Alice, Jasper, Rose, Emmett, Edward and myself. We sat and looked over Alice and Jasper’s pictures, had our mojito cheesecake shots and simply talked and enjoyed each other’s company.

Just a little after 9pm, Edward leaned over and whispered in my ear that he had to go. He was starting his first day in his new position tomorrow and needed to be at the hospital at 7:00am to do some final paperwork. 

He got up, said his goodbye’s and we walked hand in hand to the door.

“Thank you for today,” I said as we stepped out into the warm August night and wrapped our arms around each other.

“I didn’t do anything. This was all you.”

“You did more than you know.” I whispered as I stood up on my toes and kissed him gently.

“By the way,” I asked as we pulled apart but kept a tight hold on each other. “What were you and Jasper talking about in the kitchen when he first came in?”

Edward laughed, looked longingly in my eyes and squeezed me tighter.

“He came in, looked at me, then you, then me and simply asked ‘really?’  I said ‘yes’, he asked if it was serious, I said I loved you and he said okay. That was about it.”

I burst out laughing. “Are you serious?”

“Bella, we’re guys. That’s about the extent of male ‘relationship’ talk.”

We both laughed and stared at each other. I didn’t want Edward to leave. We had been having such a good time today.

“So, will I get to see you tomorrow?” I asked.

“Do you want to come over after I’m done with work and I can make you dinner?”

“That sounds wonderful.”

Edward leaned down and pressed his lips to mine again. It was a chaste kiss, but the love and passion that I felt made my knees weak.

“I love you,” he whispered against my lips.

“I love you, too.”

Edward left and I stayed out on the front porch watching his car drive away. Taking a deep breath, I turned around and headed back into the house and right into Alice and Rose.

They both stood there, their mouths gasping like a goldfish out of water. I should have known this was coming.

“Did he just say…did you just…what the…?” Alice stood there, gasping at the scene she’d just witnessed.

“Tomorrow, Alice. I’ll tell you everything tomorrow.”

“Isabella Swan!” Rose interrupted. “You saucy little minx.” Rose had a smirk on her face as if she was thinking of Edward and I in the middle of lewd acts.

Rose and Alice were blocking my way to the living room and now that Edward was gone, I had no buffer. I was standing at enemy lines and I had no one to back me up. They slowly started to close in on me, sharing evil glances between each other as I back up into my hallway.

“Bella…” Alice sang.

“There’s no point running,” Rose joined in.

They both grabbed one of my hands and dragged me into the living room. They sat me on the couch and sat on either side of me, sandwiching me in and thwarting any plan of escape.

“Soooo…Edward huh…”

“Tell us everything.”

“What’s he like?”

“How long have you been dating?”

“Is he a good kisser?”

“Has he spent the night?”

“Did we hear him say he loved you?”

“Have you two slept together?”

“How big is he?”

Alice and Rose fired off question after question, barely letting the other finish before they asked another one.

“Enough!” I interrupted before Alice could jump in with her turn. Jasper and Emmett just sat by and watched the vultures circle around me. They laughed, got up and went to the kitchen to get another round of beer. They were obviously not going to stick by and help me out.

“Bella - ”

“Enough, Rose.”

“Bella,” Alice said, with her no-nonsense look. “Tell us everything!”

Chapter 29

Hello all,

Thanks so much for your patience and comments. I'm so glad that there are still people reading my story.

Thanks to SnowballSniper and luckystar1012 for editing my mess.

Here's the chapter, outfit and extras, including a video of the show.

Chapter 29 Text

Saturday July 31

“Bella? You awake down there?” I lifted my head off Edward’s chest to meet his eyes. We had ended up spending the night at his place as he needed to get ‘something’ for this afternoon. Apparently he had some plans for us today, but refused to let me know what they were. All I knew was that I needed to pack a dress and he needed his dress pants and to get the tickets. Tickets to what, I had to idea.

We were up late in the night talking about Dr. James and clarifying what Edward meant by ‘practice’. It seemed that he was interested in having kids but knew it was too soon to start thinking about that. He did say, though, that if he were to have kids in the future, I was the one he wanted to have them with. 

“Morning, beautiful,” he whispered as he leaned down and pressed a kiss on the tip of my nose. It was already after 10am and neither of us had gotten out of bed. We had cuddled, kissed and touched all night, but slept very little.

“Morning.” I lightly pressed my lips to his and reveled in the softness. I rolled in his arms and pressed my naked chest to his.

“Shall we get up and start our day?” he asked as he pulled back and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.

“And what does our day entail?”

His beautifully naked body was revealed to me as he threw off the blanket and stood up.  He held his hand out to me with a smile, “the sooner we start the day, the sooner you’ll know.”

I stayed there, naked in bed, staring at his naked form beside me. All the touching and kissing last night had made it near impossible to sleep. The tingle in my body and the warmth in my chest yearned for him; it was obvious the need had not diminished throughout the night.

I knelt on the edge of the bed and ran my hands up his chest, wrapped them around the back of his neck and pressed my bare chest to his. “I’d rather not start the day just yet,” I said, as I kissed up his neck and pressed my lips to his. Edward wrapped one arm around my back and used the other to lower us back on the bed. His body covered mine, touching every inch of skin from shin to shoulder. My legs automatically wrapped around his. The kiss deepened and our tongues dances as  his hips rocked against mine.

“Bella,” he whispered as he kissed down my neck. “I want you so much.” With a shift of his hip, he slid between my folds and hit my clit. My hips bucked against his as the jolt I’d been craving for all night made an appearance.

Effortlessly, he slid his arm under my still arched back and picked me up off the bed, his lips once again welding to mine. He carried me across the room with my legs wrapped around his waist, caging his erection in my folds. My hips involuntarily slid up and down as he stepped into the bathroom, turned on the shower and led us under the warm, falling water.

Edward pressed my back against the cold shower tiles and I rested one foot on the corner of the tub. With his arms still around me for support, he bucked his hips and hit my clit once more, sending another current through my body. Both of our bodies were writhing against each other, but he never entered me. We rubbed, bucked, kissed and touched until my legs became weak, my orgasm hit. We hadn’t said a word since we entered the shower but our lips were never a breath away. His bucking hips continued until I felt him shutter and his warm liquid hit my skin. “Edward,” I whispered against his lips with one final kiss. “I …” I was panting so much that I was unable to get my thought out.

“I love you, too.” He finished the words for me with a tender kiss and soft embrace.

We pulled back from each other, both of our bodies slightly shaking. The warm water of the shower hit my already warmed skin as Edward cupped my cheeks, pushed my wet hair back from my face and kissed me one last time. We hadn’t had sex, but it was one of the most intimate moments we’d had.

We showered together in a silent reverence while he tenderly washed my body and I washed his. Something had happened this morning but I didn’t know what it was. All I knew what that, even though I had already had my release, I still wanted Edward. Wanted to touch him, kiss him, have him wrap his arms around me and hold me. I just wanted more.

oooOOOooo

“Bella, you almost ready?” I could hear the excitement in Edward’s voice and I put the final touches to my hair. He still hadn’t told me about today, but since tickets and a dress were involved, I decided to go all out and let my hair air dry in soft curls and put on a bit more make-up.

I walked out of the bathroom in my black and white striped dress to find Edward sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Baby,” he whispered. “You look beautiful.”

I walked over to him, stood between his legs and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Thank you.” My lips pressed against his as my hair fell in a curtain around us. I wanted to deepen the kiss, I wanted more, but knew that we’d be late if I went after what I wanted.

Edward pulled back and held his hands on my hips. “You’re feisty today,” he laughed, as he squeezed by backside. “I like it.” He stood up, kissed me deep and hard and pulled away just as quickly. Something had definitely changed between us and by days end, I was going to figure out what it was.

We walked hand in hand to the car and I questioned him the entire way to Marymoon Park. Unfortunately, he still believed in surprises, no matter how much I hated them. As we exited the car and started to make our way out of the parking lot, I saw the sign. The big, colourful, exciting sign that read QUIDAM  - Cirque du Soleil.

“Are you freaking serious?” I yelled at Edward as I gripped his arm with both my hands. I had always wanted to see a Cirque show but never wanted to go alone and could never afford it. His answer was a simple kiss on top of my head as he pulled out the tickets from his back pocket and led me into the tent.

The usher led us to third row centre and gave us each a program for the show.

“I’m so excited,” I whispered as I snuggled into his arm.

“I can tell.” Edward smiled down at me and placed a soft kiss on my lips. We sat there in silence looking over our program as music played throughout the tent.

The show started and I curled up closer to Edward’s arm, taking his hand in mine. The lights dimmed and an eerie melody started through the speakers.  A young girl turned on a single lamp in the middle of the stage and starting to sing with a haunting voice.

The show continued with ghostly music, eerie costumes, bizarre makeup but amazing acts. While some parts of the show were creepy and I buried myself deeper into Edward’s left side, other parts were incredibly amazing, making me gasp and squeal. Edward actually laughed and shushed me when I swore out loud at the part when an acrobat did a back flip and landed on shoulders of man who was standing on the shoulders of a man who was standing on another man’s shoulders. 

The entire show, I clung to Edward, squeezing his arm and rubbing his leg. The feel of him and the energy of the show got me excited once again. We held each other until the show was over and the tent was nearly empty.

“You ready to go?” He asked as he pulled me tighter into his embrace.

I took a deep breath, soaking in as much of the moment as I could. “Ya, I’m ready.”

We left the tent holding hands, walked past his car and ventured over to the velodrome track to watch the cyclists warm up for a race. I stood at the rail, Edward behind me, his arms wrapped around me and his chin rested on my shoulder. We stayed to watch the race for a couple minutes before we wandered over to the dog park to watch them play.

We spent the rest of the afternoon walking around the park, watching people work in the community garden, and appreciated the nature around us before we got back into his car and headed back to his place.

“So what do you want to do this afternoon?” Edward asked as we walked, still hand in hand, to his front door.

“Doesn’t matter. What do you want to do?”

He opened the door and walked me straight upstairs. Without a word, he slowly undressed me, then undressed himself and led me out to his hot tub. We sat together in the late afternoon sun, relaxing and talking about the show. At one point, he slid behind me and started to massage my neck and shoulders.

“Ahhhh…that feels nice.” My eyes slid closed as my head lolled to the side. He chuckled behind me as his fingers worked their magic.

I started to sink deeper into the water and Edward’s body, completely relaxed and on the verge of falling asleep when I felt his lips softly press against the column of my neck. His hands began to rub down my back, around my waist and up to my breasts. All the while, his lips peppered kisses up and down my neck, along my shoulder and back up to kiss the spot behind my ear.

“Bella…” His warm breath fanned out against my skin. My arm went up behind me to capture the back of his neck, pressing his lips firmer onto my skin. I turned my head to the side and captured his mouth with mine. I stood up in the tub, kept our lips attached, turned around and sat back down on his lap, straddling his legs and pressing my naked chest to his.

Within seconds, I could feel him twitch against my thigh. He immediately scooped me up in his arms and lifted me out of the tub. I wrapped my arms and legs securely around his wet, naked body as he carried me back into his bedroom. He sat on the edge of the bed with me sitting on his lap. He slid back onto the bed, lying down with his head on the pillow.

We both started to rock against the other, his tip repeatedly hitting my clit. Our kissing becoming more difficult the harder he got and the wetter I got. We both pulled back, panting, and just started at each other. My legs were on either side of him, my hands on either side of his head and my arms stretched out. My head fell forward as he slowly lined himself up with my entrance.

Automatically, Edward’s hands went to my hips and I slowly lifted myself off of him. I looked at him with hesitation. Even though I was no longer a virgin, I was still naïve in regards to what I was doing. I could lay there and rock my hips when he was on top, but I had no idea what to do now that our positions, and our roles, had changed.

“It’s okay,” he whispered, as if he could read my mind. “I’ll guide you.”

And as with everything, I put my complete trust in Edward and let him lower me onto him. As soon as he entered me, a rush of pleasure shot through my body. It had been one of those days that no matter how much we kissed, touched or fooled around in the shower, I still needed more, and he was finally giving it to me. Or, I was finally taking it.

“Oh, God.” The words slipped out on a breath as my head fell forwards and my arms buckled, forcing them to collapse and for me to rest on my elbows. Somehow he seemed even deeper this way and I had never felt so full. I was already starting to quiver and we hadn’t even started to move yet.

With his hands still on my hips, he started to slowly rock my hips in a dipping pattern, pulling me closer to him, deeper onto him, and then rocking me back and pulling me the tiniest bit off of him. It was easy, natural to move on top of him, and my body automatically found a rhythm that had us both moaning. My hips picked up their speed and Edward started pushing up into me when I rocked into him. We locked eyes and stared at each other, completely open, completely vulnerable and completely in the moment. Our lips would sporadically meet for the briefest of moments, needy and careless.

I lifted up and rested my hands on Edward’s chest and he raised his knees for me to lean back on. The change in my position made him hit that spot in me that made me quake. 

My orgasm was coming fast and hard and I whimpered his name without knowledge. That single sound propelled him forward with new vigor. He quickly sat up, wrapped his arms around me, pulling our chests together and rocked into me with an urgent tempo. He whispered unknown words into the side of my neck and he held me tight as I rode him quicker and harder. Our arms were thrown around each other as if a breath of air between us would kill us.

I could feel the walls shutter around him, all the muscles in my body tightened and my rocking started to falter. I was lifting higher off of him and then almost falling back onto him, impaling myself on him. I was no longer in control of my body. It wanted more and it was taking everything it could from Edward before it would collapse.

“Ho-ly-fuck-Bel-la.” He was officially pounding into me with every syllable he uttered. His voice was tight and almost a growl.

I was clenched around him, spasming and shaking in his arms as the rest of my body went completely tense. The most intense orgasm I’ve ever had rocked through me but I was unable to stop. My walls kept squeezing and pulsing around him as he kept rocking into me with more speed and force.

“More,” I cried into his shoulder as my body continued to shudder.

I grabbed a handful of Edward’s hair, pulled it hard and bit onto his shoulder, making sure my lips covered my teeth. I was doing whatever I could to hold on, take more and stop myself from screaming.

A strangled noise came from Edward’s mouth as he came. He was shaking and pulled me tightly onto him, pushing himself deeper yet into me and holding there. I tried to rock my hips and pull every last ounce of pleasure out of the moment but held still as he pulled out of me a bit and then shot himself back in, just as deep and held there.

We were both still shaking when he stopped coming but didn’t relent our hold on each other. My mouth was still open over the tight muscles in his shoulder, my hands still gripping his hair, while he was still deep in me and his arms were wrapped around me, caging me to him.

I was finally able to hear what Edward had been whispering as we rested our heads on each other’s shoulder. I was able to make out a jumbled of mashed up words that included “God, fuck, mine, more” and finally, the word that was said more than the others; “love.”

oooOOOooo

Edward and I had stayed wrapped in each other’s arms for what seemed like hours. He had eventually, and reluctantly, pulled out of me and laid us both on the bed, but his arms never moved from around me. Almost immediately, we both fell into a light sleep where he would continue to speak random words and I would revel in the feel of his arms.

It was in this moment between wake and sleep that I figured out that today was the first day that I did what I wanted and didn’t worry about what Edward would think. I wanted to fool around before the shower, so we did. I wanted him in the shower, so I took him. I wanted to experiment by being on top, so I let him guide me.

The constant need I had been feeling all day had finally ebbed. I had what I wanted. I had started to take control of my life, found nothing but encouragement from Edward and like a drug, became addicted to the idea of “see it, want it, take it, have it.” I was starting to become comfortable with me, my wants, needs and desires, and was no longer obsessed over what others would think

But with a start, I shot up and out of the protective cage of Edward’s arms. I sat there panting as he sat up beside me, rubbed my back and kept asking what was wrong and if I was ok.

What others would think.

It wasn’t until then that I realized that as of tomorrow at 1:30pm, I would have two more judgments to deal with: Alice and Jasper.

CH 29 Teaser

Hello all, 

Thanks for your patience with the chapters. I have one done, waiting to be edited plus another chapter that is 90% done. Below is the teaser for CH 29. I'll be sure to put it up as soon as I get it back from my beta's. 

I hope you all had a wonderful Easter or Chocolate Bunny Day if you do not celebrate Easter.

~~~

“Baby,” Edward whispered. “You look beautiful.”

I walked over to him, stood between his legs and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Thank you.” My lips pressed against his as my hair fell in a curtain around us. I wanted to deepen the kiss, I wanted more, but knew that we’d be late if I went after what I wanted.

Edward pulled back and held his hands on my hips. “You’re feisty today,” he laughed, as he squeezed by backside. “I like it.” He stood up, kissed me deep and hard and pulled away just as quickly. Something had definitely changed between us and by days end, I was going to figure out what it was.

Chapter 28

Hello everyone,

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who read and reviewed last chapter. I know that I have lost a lot of readers in my updating absence, but the support that I’ve felt from those of you who have stood by me means a lot. Special thanks to SnowballSniper and luckiestar1012 for being my excellent beta’s. 

Just a heads up, I’ve never been to therapy so please take this chapter with a grain of salt. 

Here's the chapter and the outfits. Make sure you check out extras for information on Humanistic Psychology.

Chapter 28 text

 Friday July 30

Edward and I sat side by side in the small, cold lobby. I clutched his hand tightly in mine as I looked around the reception area of Dr. James Wylder’s office. The dull yellow walls, motivational posters and racks of pamphlets looked as if they were staged to make the patient comfortable, whereas in reality, it looked old, depressing and sad. Not quite the place you want to be when you were sad and depressed to begin with.

I looked to the table beside me that was scattered with old magazines and books and a title caught my eye.  The title “You’re Not Good Enough” in big, yellow letters took up the entire cover of a hardcover book. The smaller writing underneath the title indicated that the book was written by Dr. James E. Wylder. I picked up the book, wondering what type of therapist would name a book like that, and flipped it over to get a synopsis of the novel. But instead, there was a large black and white picture of a man staring back at me. It was a portrait of Dr. James Wylder, sitting behind a desk with his elbows resting on the tabletop and his fingers tented in front of his lips. The thing that caught my attention though was his eyes; they looked unkind, untrustworthy and cold.

“Hey, that must be the book James was telling me about.” I looked over and saw Edward reading the back cover over my left shoulder. I passed the book over and went back to analyzing the un-motivating motivational posters. For some reason, the picture of James gave me the creeps.

I was starting to get nervous, anxious and uneasy. I kept asking myself why I was here if I didn’t feel comfortable? Even the skinny, blonde receptionist kept giving me the stink eye. But then Edward would squeeze my hand and I would remember that I was here for us; I was here for me. I was here so that I would finally feel good again.

“Mzzzzz. Swan?” I looked up to find the receptionist staring daggers at me once again. The hissing of my name plus her quirked eyebrow made it clear that, for whatever reason, she didn’t like me. I stood up and gathered my bag as Edward stood up with me.

“I’ll be right here the whole time,” he told me, as he pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head.

“Oh, Sir, you’ll be waiting out here? Can I get you a cup of coffee or something while you wait for your sister?” So that was why the evil secretary hated me. She wanted Edward and was trying to scare me away.

“No, thank you,” Edward replied, pulling back from me so that he could look me in the eyes. “I love you,” he whispered before he leaned in and kissed me tenderly on the lips. “And I’m proud of you. I’m here if you need me.”

With one final kiss and one last “I love you,” I gathered my purse and followed the blonde bitch down to door 3. She knocked lightly on the door and waited.

“Come in.” The voice that answered was not what I expected from the picture. It was smooth, slick and a little rugged. The blonde bitch opened the door and held it open for me. I felt her eyes on me as I walked past her.

“Thank you, Cammie,” the smooth voice replied. I had yet to see his face but his voice sounded near.

“You’re welcome, Dr. James.” Cammie put on a fake, sweet smile in her reply and shut the door behind me.

“Ms. Swan,” Dr. Wylder started. “Please come in.”

I walked deeper into his office and was amazed at what I saw. Everything was deep and rich brown and green. Chocolate leather couch and chair, huge wooden bookcases that covered an entire wall, a desk that was bigger than my six person kitchen table and plants and knick knacks all around the office. One entire wall was windows from floor to ceiling, while the other was covered with diplomas, certificates and awards. The room smelt like money and power and yet, I had still not located the doctor.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Ms. Swan.” I looked around and saw Dr. Wylder coming out of a door in the back corner of the room, drying his hands on a crisp white towel. He threw the towel into a hamper basket at the side of his desk and walked straight towards me. “I’m Dr. James Evan Wylder, but you can call me Dr. James.” Wow, and I thought Jake was cocky. And I would have sworn the E. in his name stood for evil.

Dr. James stood there with all the confidence in the world, exuding superiority and control, with his hand stuck out waiting for me to shake it. With a tentative hand, I did a quick shake and just as quickly pulled my hand back.

“Hi,” I whispered out.

“Why don’t we have a seat?” Dr. James was talking as he made his way to his huge, leather loveseat chair that could fit two people in it. He pulled out a notebook and a pen from the table beside him before he went behind his desk to a small coffee maker to get himself a drink. It didn’t escape my notice that he didn’t offer me anything. I wondered if this was all part of a ‘break someone down so that he can build them back up’ routine? I sat on the couch directly across from his chair and waited.

“So,” Dr. James started as he finally took his seat. “Edward tells me you’re having some difficulties seeing your self-worth.”

I was completely floored by how this was going so far. There was no warm up, no opening questions, no get-to-know-you/trust building. There wasn’t even a questionnaire for me to fill out about my concerns or medical history. There wasn’t even a freaking “how are you today?”

I sat there; dumbfounded at the situation I had found myself in. Just by looking around, I could tell that this man was successful in what he did, plus, Edward had mentioned he was good, but holy crap! I wasn’t even in his office for three minutes and I feel like I’m already treading water to save my life. 

“Ms. Swan?” I looked up to find Dr. James looking at me with a curious expression.

“Um, yes. I guess that’s what Edward’s concerns would be.”

“Edward’s concerns? So you don’t share his opinion of your issues?”

I was ready to grab my bag and leave the room. Already, this so called professional had made me feel powerless, unimportant and broken. I didn’t come here to be put down even more, I thought. I came here for help.

I quickly realized, though, that if I ran out of this room, I’d be doing the exact same thing that I’d always done. I ran away from Jake when he didn’t want a relationship, ran away from  Alice and Jasper when they questioned me at the restaurant, ran away from Edward when he tried to help me with my nightmare that first night. If I was truly going to work on me and become “Happy Bella” again, I had to take the good with the not-so-good. And this clearly was going to be a not-so-good.

“No,” I finally answered. “I don’t completely agree with Edward.”

Dr. James quirked an eyebrow at me, a sneaky smirk playing on his lips as he wrote something down on the leather notepad he had in his lap.

“Well, Ms. Swan, why don’t you tell me why you’re here?”

His smirk only grew as he asked the question. It was almost as if he was goading me, deliberately trying to push my buttons in an attempt to get me to crack. He was trying to break away the shield that I had up, tear down the pretense and excuses. He didn’t want Edward’s version of my story, he wanted to hear it from my own lips. He wanted to know why I chose to meet with him, not why Edward wanted me to.

“I…uh…” I didn’t know where to start. I wanted to take my list out of my purse and shove it in his face, letting my written words speak for me. But I knew that that wasn’t how this was supposed to work.

“I guess I’m here because I’m tired of not feeling good enough.”

He quickly scribbled something down as he asked me to elaborate. “Good enough for whom?”

I thought about his question for a minute. I was never good enough for my parents, for Jake. I didn’t feel good enough for Edward the majority of the time.

“Bella,” Dr. James interrupted. “I know this is difficult and I can tell that you keep thinking about something before you answer my questions. And I’ll be honest; I don’t have all the answers. But Edward encouraged you to come here for a reason.”

Dr. James put down his book and grabbed a sheet of paper and handed it to me. “I practice humanistic psychology and it’s very different from other psychology out there.”

I looked at the form that Dr. James gave me. It was an outline of Humanistic Psychology. There were four main points listed:

1.    The present is the most significant aspect of someone.  As a result humanists emphasize the here and now instead of examining the past or attempting to predict the future.

2.    To be mentally healthy, individuals must take personal responsibility for their actions, regardless if those actions are positive or negative.

3.    Each person, simply by being, is inherently worthy. While any given action may be negative, these actions do not cancel out their value as a person.

4.    The ultimate goal of living is to attain personal growth and understanding. Through constant self-improvement and self-understanding can an individual ever be truly happy.

“You see, Bella, by you saying that you’re not good enough, you’re looking at past situations where you felt inadequate. And although your past has helped to shape who you are, it’s who you are at this moment that is the most important thing. You can’t change the past and you can’t predict the future, you can only control the present.”

I understood what Dr. James was saying, but it didn’t entirely make sense to me. If my past helped to create my current self, and who I currently was, was where I was supposed to focus, how could we not look back at what made me who I was at this moment?

I looked down at the form and read it again. I was still having a hard time wrapping my brain around everything.

“Bella?” Dr. James prodded. “You look concerned.”

“Well,” I hedged. “I don’t really get it. If my past made me who I am today, how can you not examine the past?”

“We do look at the past, Bella. We will dive into your past memories, emotions and events, but it won’t be the focus of our discussions. There is no doubt that we have to examine the past to understand the present. But you can’t fix what happened to you twenty years ago.”

Hmmm. Maybe Dr. James isn’t as much of a douche as I first thought.

“Any other questions?” I was actually starting to warm up to Dr. James, although there was still something about him that rubbed me the wrong way. Between how he treated me at the start of the session and now, he seemed to flip his emotions worse than I did.

“Well, point two on the form bothers me a bit.”

“And why is that?” he asked.

“What if your actions are involuntary? Or what if it’s an instinctual reaction? I find it hard to believe that someone would be 100% accountable for everything they do when so much of our life is controlled and influenced by others.”

Dr. James quirked his eyebrow once again, picked up his notepad and started to write. “Why would you say that you’re life is controlled by others?”

“I’m not saying that it is, but there are so many aspects that we have no control over. You can’t make someone hire you or make someone like you. I can’t make my boss pay me more, or make someone love me. I can’t make my body not get nauseous on rollercoaster’s or cry when I’m feeling sad. A person will choose to hire me, or choose to be in a relationship with me based on their own freewill. I don’t have control over that. I will get sad, angry, fearful, happy or jealous without conscious thought. There’s so much we don’t control that cause actions that we can’t be accountable for everything that we do.”

“So then who do you blame?” Dr. James’ question came completely out of left field and utterly confused me.

“Who do I blame for what?”

Dr. James put his book back down, folded his hands in his lap and looked at me as if I was naïve and didn’t understand something that I should.

“If you don’t take accountability for the path your life has taken, the job you have, the relationships you’ve had in the past, the one you have with Edward, how your body has learned to react in different situations, who do you blame? Who’s accountable?”

“Fate.” The word was out of my mouth before I realized what I was thinking.

“Fate?” Dr. James looked at me as if I had said the most ridiculous thing in the world. As if I was talking about unicorns and leprechauns. “What can you blame fate for?”

My doctor’s words echoed in my head. “You have a severe hormone imbalance. This doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to have kids, just that it may be very difficult for you to ever get pregnant.”

Ever since I had met Edward, fell in love with him, made love with him, the words had been on my mind in constant repeat. It was just another reason why I wasn’t good enough. I couldn’t give him kids, if we ever went down that path. It was another example of how broken I was.

“Bella?” Dr. James was still waiting for my answer.

“Never mind.” I knew it was a pathetic way out but I wasn’t ready to share that part of myself with him yet, not until Edward knew.

Dr. James and I went over the four points of humanistic psychology a bit more before our time was up. He had told me that we had a good start and that he’d like to see me again next Friday if I was willing to come back, just to make an appointment with the receptionist on my way out.

I grabbed my purse, thanked Dr. James for his time and left the room. I didn’t know if I wanted to see him again. He put more questions in my head than answers. I still felt broken and confused, but now, I also felt like I had been defending myself for the past hour, backing up every idea and opinion that I had because my answer wasn’t enough for the good doctor.

I walked straight to the lobby, grabbed Edward’s hand and almost dragged him out of the office without a word.

“Bella?” Edward questioned as we waited for the elevator. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing’s the matter; I just wanted to get out of there.”

Edward grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me to face him. “What happened?” There was a look of seriousness in his eyes that I had never seen before. He looked concerned, protective and almost possessive.

I took both his hands in mine and squeezed them in reassurance. “Edward, nothing is wrong. Nothing happened. It was just hard, tense and uncomfortable and I just want to go home.”

Edward pulled me into a tight embrace and kissed the top of my head. “Okay.”

The elevator dinged and we walked hand in hand to the car, only letting go of each other long enough for Edward to open my door, walk around the car and let himself in. Once the car was started, he grabbed my hand once again and held it the entire way home.

~oooOOOooo~

The rest of the afternoon remained tense and silent. I kept thinking over what James and I had spoken about and how I was going to open up about everything. Or if I even should. I wanted to tell Edward everything, let him know what he was getting into and how the session went, but that would mean telling him that I couldn’t have kids.

Was that too much to spring on him? Was it too soon to talk about kids? Did he even want to be a father, let alone be the father of my kids?

My mind kept racing as we sat on the couch and watched Dexter. Neither of us was actually watching the show. I stared blankly at the screen while Edward kept looking down at me lying in his arms.

“Bella, this is killing me.”

I sat up and pulled out of his arms, ready to tell him everything that was said in James’ office, when a voice on the TV caught my attention.

 “They make it look so easy – connecting with another human being. It’s like no one told them it was the hardest thing in the world.”

The words paused in my throat and my eyes flashed to the screen. Somehow, a character on a TV show was able to articulate what I had been feeling all these years. Everyone had it so easy and yet, for me, it was the hardest thing in the world, finding a connection with another person.

My eyes turned back to find him still looking at me, waiting for my answer. It had been so easy to connect with Edward, almost too easy. I had never felt as comfortable with anyone in my entire life, as I felt with him. He was the one thing that was easy in my life, the one thing that was almost effortless. I loved him and he accepted that love. And for some unknown reason, he loved me back.

“The session was not what I expected.” I began to explain everything, from how he treated me when I first walked in to him questioning my belief in fate. Edward sat patiently as I told him what I was thinking and feeling during the session.

“So, what did you tell him? What do you blame fate for?”

I paused, holding tighter onto his hands. I looked down, swallowed the lump in my throat and squeezed my eyes tight, praying that it would help to hold back the tears.

“There’s stuff you don’t know about me. There’s something that I haven’t told you, something I haven’t told anyone.” I looked back up to see him looking at me with deep concern. I could feel the pain in my chest growing at the thought of finally admitting this out loud to someone. It was as if once I said it out loud, it made it real. As long as only I knew, it could be ignored.

I could feel my eyes brimming with tears as I took a deep breath before continuing. “About a year ago, I went to the doctor and he basically told me that I can’t have kids.”

Pain flashed behind Edward’s eyes as his hands squeezed mine tightly. I could see his Adam’s apple bob in his throat as he swallowed before speaking.

“What exactly did the doctor tell you?” he asked.

“He told me that I had a hormone imbalance. That he wasn’t saying that I can’t have kids, just that it will be very difficult for me to ever get pregnant.”

Edward pulled me into his lap and held me tight as tears streamed down my face. “That’s what I blame fate for,” I whispered into his shoulder.

“Bella,” he sighed as he pulled back to look at me and wiped away my tears. “You just said that the doctor said that it’s possible but would be difficult. He didn’t say you can’t have kids.” He leaned in and kissed my tears away before pressing his lips tenderly to mine. “Besides,” he continued with a small smile. “If it will be difficult, it just means that we get to practice and try more.”

I looked at Edward with confusion and doubt. Did he just say he wants to practice and try to make a baby????

Chapter 28 Teaser

Hello all, 

Although this is VERY rough and hasn't even been edited by me yet, I thought I'd give you all a quick teaser for the next chapter.

~~~

Edward and I sat side by side in the small, cold lobby. I clutched his hand tightly in mine as I looked around the reception of Dr. James Wylder’s office. The dull yellow walls, motivational posters and racks of pamphlets looked as if they were staged to make the patient comfortable, whereas in reality, it looked old, depressing and sad. Not quite the place you want to be when you were sad and depressed to begin with.

I looked to the table beside me that was scattered with old magazine and books and a title caught my eye.  The title “You’re Not Good Enough” in big, yellow letters took up the entire cover of a hardcover book. The smaller writing underneath indicated that the book was written by Dr. James E. Wylder. I picked up the book, wondering what type of therapist would title a book like that, and flipped it over to get a synopsis of the novel. But instead, there was a large black and white picture of a man staring back at me. It was a portrait of Dr. James Wylder, sitting behind a desk with his elbows resting on the tabletop and his fingers tented in front of his lips. The thing that caught my attention though was his eyes; they looked unkind, untrustworthy and cold.

“Hey, that must be the book James was telling me about.” I looked over and saw Edward reading the back cover over my left shoulder. I passed the book over to Edward to peruse and went back to analyzing the un-motivating motivational posters. For some reason, the picture of James gave me the creeps.