Monday August 2
I sat in my truck, debating whether to actually get out
and go to the door. I had promised Alice
that we would have “the talk” today and I would explain the whole Edward
situation to her. However, now that I was parked in her driveway, I wasn’t sure
if this was the best idea.
The moment I decided to put on my big girl pants and just
get this over with, the front door opened and the newlyweds walked out hand in
hand. Alice was
dressed in a gray jumpsuit, looking like she just walked off the cover of a
magazine and Jasper was dressed for work.
“Hey, Bella,” she smiled, as we all congregated on the
porch. Alice
pulled me into a hug while Jasper stood there smiling at us.
“You look happy,” he said, as he came over to give me a
hug.
A fierce blush spread over my face before he chuckled and
let me go. “I am,” I replied as I looked at both of them.
Alice and Jasper shared
a look before he kissed her goodbye and made his way over to their new Porsche,
walking right past his pickup truck.
“Jasper Theodore Whitlock!!!” Alice bellowed. “You are not taking my
wedding present to work so that it can sit in some crappy underground parking
lot all day!!!”
Jasper opened the door and slid into the car with a smile
on his face. “Sorry, Mrs. Whitlock, but it’s my present too and I want to show
it off.”
A huge smile lit up her face at the sound of her new name.
“You don’t play fair.” She huffed as she made her way down the driveway to kiss
her husband goodbye. “Have a good day at work, honey,” she giggled as she
kisses him again.
Alice turned
around, literally skipped up the driveway and linked her arm through mine.
“Come on, Miss Sassy Pants. I want to meet this new Bella who’s in love and has
learned to say ‘no’ to Rosalie Hale. Very brave.” She joked with a proud look
on her face as she dragged me into her house.
We flopped down on the couch, surrounded by shiny presents
and large bows. We had planned on opening and taking inventory of the wedding
gifts before she would make me lunch and I would update her on Edward. But as
it looked, she was more interested in me than in her waiting gifts.
“Soooo…” she prodded.
“Shall we start on the gifts?” I hedged, hoping to have a
little time to put my story in order.
“I don’t think so,” she laughed.
We sat there in silence for a breath before she spoke.
“Rose and I were talking after we left your place last
night. Neither of us have ever seen you so happy and so…you. I still can’t
believe you told Rose to back off. I don’t remember the last time you said no
to me, let alone Rosalie Hale. No one says no to the Ice Queen.”
We couldn’t help but laugh at Rose’s old nickname. Funnily
enough, it was Emmett that first came up with it.
“So come on, Bella; start spilling the beans.”
I started at the wedding, explaining how Edward and I
danced out in the hallway, how we came back to my place after the wedding and
how I ended up crying in his arms all night because of a dream about Jacob. I
went through our first kiss in the morning, our first date watching Tremors in
the park, the box of cupcake roses, how I told him about Jacob, the teddy bear
and box of chocolate kisses, and on and on. I told her about our practices on
the couch, our touches and kisses. Finally, I told her about how we made love
the first time, how we confessed our love to each other the first time, my
fight with Charlie, and eventually, I told Alice about Tanya and Dr. James.
“Hold on,” she said, as she raised her hands up in a stop
position. “So let me get this straight. In the 21 days that I’ve been gone, you
met a man, spent the night with him when you had only known him for a couple of
hours, fell in love, had sex for the first time, gave a man a key to your
house, found out Jake was getting married, severed all contact with your dad,
and started therapy?”
“Umm…yes?” My answer came out in the form of a question. Alice was giving me a
look that made me sink into the couch and want to hide beneath the blanket that
hung on over the back cushions. I knew that I was in trouble.
“So in this time, it never occurred to you to call your
best friend and update her on the most important three weeks of your life?” Alice reached behind her,
grabbed a throw pillow, and threw it at me. There was a smile on her face, but
genuine concern in her eyes.
“Bella, why didn’t you tell me any of this? You could have
phoned or emailed me. Don’t people usually share life-altering events with
their best friend?” she pulled out all the stops; sad voice, pouting bottom lip
and puppy dog eyes.
I took the throw pillow and threw it back at her as we
both dissolved into a light laughter.
“Of course this is stuff you share with your best friend.
It’s just that you were away on your honeymoon, climbing trees, seeing whales,
getting knocked up...” Alice
lifted the pillow in warning at the ‘knocked up’ comment.
“I wanted to tell you, Alice. And I know this sounds stupid, but
after what happened the first time I told Charlie about Edward, I was afraid
that if I told anyone, it would ruin us. If my own father thinks a guy he’s
never met is too good for his own daughter, what would others think?”
Alice and I were quiet for a bit as I stared down at my
entwined hands.
“Are you happy?” I looked up at my best friend, meeting
her eyes and nodded. Happy tears sprung to my eyes. “Then who cares what others
think.”
She wrapped her arms around me, gave me a kiss on the
cheek, and then pushed me back to my side of the couch.
“Okay, just one more question, then it’s present time!
What’s he like in bed?”
A deep blush spread across my face as I thought of
Edward’s touch; his lips, our love making. Tender and loving were the words
that immediately came to mind, but instead I simply told Alice that he was perfect.
oooOOOooo
We spent the next three hours quizzing each other about
our weeks apart while Alice
pulled off bows and ripped through paper. I inventoried all the wedding gifts
they had received taking note of who gave them what and how much cash was
collected. When I asked why she was opening everything without Jasper, she got
a little shy and said that he had told her that she was the only gift he cared
about, the rest was all for her.
Once everything was opened and accounted for, Alice printed out the
thank-you card that she and Jasper had created on their computer. While I
addressed all the envelopes, Alice
wrote a personal message on each one, signed her name, and left a spot for
Jasper to sign his.
We stood back and gazed over the sea of gifts that they
had received. There was over $2000 in cash, plus almost every home accessory
one could think of; picture frames, candle holders, salad bowls, silverware,
wine glasses, bedding, and more.
“So when do we get to go on a double date?” Alice asked, as we
gathered the garbage from around the living room and placed all the gifts in
the corner of the room.
I flopped down on the couch as I thought about Alice and I
finally going out together.
“Whenever you’d like,” I replied with a smile.
She bounced down on the couch beside me with a giddy smile
on her face.
“So tell me more, Bella. Tell me about you and Edward.”
“What do you want to know?” I regretted the words as soon
as they left my lips. I knew that I was giving Alice free reign to ask whatever she’d like.
A tender smile spread across her face, but her eyes were genuine with concern.
“What was your first time like?” There was an innocence
and sincerity in the way that she asked the question.
I took a moment to think about the first time Edward and I
had sex, the anxiety that I felt, the tenderness in his touch and the drive I
had to just be with him.
I finally turned and looked at Alice. “It was scary as hell!”
She let out a little chuckle before asking me to
elaborate.
“It was….intense. Edward was leaving the next day and I
already new that I was in love with him. We were fooling around and then I just
became desperate. I needed him. Needed to touch him, to open up to him, to be held
by him.”
I remembered what Alice
had said about her first time, that it felt like diarrhea going backwards out
the wrong hole. And, as much as I tried, I couldn’t help but laugh.
“What’s so funny?” she asked with some hesitation.
“Just remembering how you described your first time.”
A blush actually tinted her cheeks as she snorted and
shook her head. “Please tell me your first time was better.”
“Yes, it was better. Much better.”
Alice kept asking
questions, gently prodding for more and more details that I wouldn’t give. I
told her about my emotional confusion, how I sat in the bathtub afterwards and
the intense sadness I felt the next morning when he left.
We continued talking, merging into my depression
questionnaire and my meeting with James. Our discussion turned from fun and
light to serious and daunting. She was adamant that she did not want me to see
Dr. James again. She was so determined in her opinion that I should find a new
doctor, that she actually pulled out her laptop and googled him in front of me.
The search results for Dr. James Wylder were mixed. Some
were pages about his book, while some were reviews on a “Rate your Doctor”
webpage. In general, the reviews were glowing from the medical community and
reserved or critical from patients. The general consensus was that he was
abrupt and raw, but good at what he did. He got people to face their issues and
eventually face them head on. It just may not have been the easiest road to get
there.
By the time Alice and I went through the first page of the
google results, James’ outlook didn’t look the greatest. The conversation was
draining and emotional, having to re-face the events of that therapy session. I
was exhausted, emotional but somewhat relieved. It had been a long day opening
up about everything, but it was good to have Alice back. I missed her more than I realized
and having my best friend back was a huge comfort.
By the time I left, Jasper was pulling into the driveway
and my eyelids were heavy. I was drained but yearning for Edward.
I drove straight to Edward’s place from Alice’s. It was already after 6:30 in the
evening and my stomach was starting to growl. On top of that, I missed him. I
hadn’t heard from him all day and after having Alice bombard me with questions about us for
hours, I just wanted to be in his arms.
“Edward?” I called, as I walked straight into his home. I
didn’t bother knocking, I missed him that much. I walked into the kitchen and
saw him sitting in the reading nook with his laptop on his lap.
“Hey, beautiful,” he smiled as he put his computer down
and opened his arms to me. I dropped myself on the couch next to him in a very
un-ladylike fashion and threw my arms around his neck. Instantly, I felt calm,
relaxed and at home.
“You okay?” he laughed, as he kissed the top of my head.
“I’m tired and I missed you. As much as I love and missed Alice, that girl can be
tiring. She basically asked about us for six hours straight.” Edward laughed
harder into my hair as I snuggled deeper into his arms.
“First,” I continued as I pulled back and leaned against
his chest, “we talked for over two hours about what she had missed and what had
been happening in my life since she went on her honeymoon. Then, as we opened
her wedding presents, she continued to ask me question after question about
you, what you were like, what kind of dates had you taken me on, what kind of
kisser were you, were you good in bed. We basically talked about you the whole
time.”
“That must have been torture,” Edward laughed and he squeezed
me.
I looked up at him from my spot on his shoulder and kissed
the side of his jaw. It was obvious that it wasn’t enough for Edward as he
shifted so that he could kiss me properly. It was a soft, slow kiss full of
longing and tenderness.
“As much as I love you,” I said once we separated and I
resumed my spot resting against his chest, “no more talking for me. Tell me how
your first official day as a musical therapist went.”
I sat there, leaning against Edward. His arms wrapped
around me and occasionally he would place a kiss on the top of my head. He told
me about his day, his patients, and the official documents he had to sign. The
last thing I remember before falling asleep in his arms was him telling me
something about a vacation schedule.
oooOOOooo
“Bella,”
I felt a gentle kiss and all I could manage was a
grunt.
“Love, dinner’s here. Do you want to eat something?”
I slowly opened my eyes to see Edward kneeling on the
floor in front me. I was lying down on the couch in his reading nook. There was
a pillow under my head and a light blanket draped over me.
“Dinner?” I managed to squeak out the one word before a
large yawn took over.
“I ordered Chinese. Come. Let’s eat outside in the fresh
air.”
He helped me up from the couch and we grabbed a plate of
food. He had ordered so many dishes that it almost covered his entire kitchen
island. I looked at him in shock.
“I didn’t know what you would like, so I ordered a little
of everything”
We ate outside in the setting sun. I asked him to tell me
again about his day since I felt bad about falling asleep during part of his
story.
“What was I going to do? Argue over six week’s holidays?
Of course not! I don’t know why I had to bring a union rep with me to sign the
contract. It’s higher pay, better hours, consistent hours, better benefits and
more vacation. It’s my dream job.”
Edward had a huge smile on his face as he shoved a forkful
of guy ding in his mouth.
“The only down side,” he continued once he was done
chewing, “is that I don’t get to work with Jasper as much as I’d like. He’s in
one part of the unit and I’m in the other. We still get to see each other and
talk, but I was hoping to work closer with him. He’s really good at what he
does.”
We sat out on his back patio for the rest of the evening,
sipping on the sangria he made, watching the sunset, and sharing easy
conversation. We started a fire in the cast iron chimenea that sat on the
corner of the patio and nestled together in its warmth.
It was a beautiful evening, resting in the arms of the man
who loved me. We weren’t being physical, but it was such an intimate moment. It
was everything that I told Alice
our relationship was: perfect.
oooOOOooo
It was almost ten thirty by the time Edward and I went
back inside, cleaned up the kitchen, and made our way to bed. I was completely
exhausted and flopped onto the bed, simply lying there with my eyes closed as
he undressed and brushed his teeth.
“You’re exhausted,” he whispered as he sat down beside me
on the edge of the bed. He gently pushed my hair from my face and kissed my
closed eyelids. A small smile played on my lips as I unconsciously turned my
body towards his.
“I’ve missed you today,” he continued. “I missed us.”
“Me too,” I said as I slowly opened my eyes and took in his
beauty. He was the most striking person I had ever seen. Regardless of the fact
that he was only in his pajama bottoms and his bare chest was mere inches away,
it was the love that I saw in his eyes that always took my breath away. And,
even though I was half asleep, my desire for him grew.
He leaned down and gently pressed his lips to mine. “Can I
show you how much I missed you?” he asked as his lips gently skimmed over mine.
With the slightest nod, Edward’s lips pressed slowly, but meaningfully into mine.
The kiss was not hard or hurried, but there was no mistaking the intensity or
its intent.
I could feel just the tip of Edward’s tongue tickle my
bottom lip before he started to kiss along my cheek, up to suck gently on my
earlobe and down my jaw line. My breath was slowly starting to speed up as my
hands sought out any part of Edward that I could reach. I was thoroughly
enjoying what Edward was doing to me, but I felt bad. I was far too tired to
reciprocate any sort of intimacy tonight.
“Edward…” I breathed as his lips and tongue danced over
the column of my neck. He started to pull the neck of my shirt to the side so
that he could kiss along my shoulder. “It’s late,” I continued.
“Don’t worry, love,” he said as his lips returned to mine
for a searing kiss. “Just let me show you how much I missed you. This is all
about you.”
Edward sat back on his knees, and looked down at me. There
was lust clearly written on his face, but also tenderness. He slowly untied the
belt around my top and slid his hands under the hem until he was holding my
sides.
“Arms up,” he murmured as he pushed the shirt over my head
and tossed it on the floor. His lips were immediately on me once more, kissing
and tasting my shoulder and my chest. He gently kissed each of my covered
breasts before he reached around my back and unclasped my bra, drawing it
aside, and taking a nipple into his mouth. He gently pulled on it and smoothed
his tongue over my hardening nub.
A breathy moan left my lips as my hands ran through his
hair. Edward’s lips were exquisite as they traveled across my skin, teasing,
kissing, licking and sucking as they went. His hands skimmed over my sides as
he made his way to my other breast, down my stomach and to the hem of my pants.
“Lift up for me, baby,” he whispered as he unfastened my
pants and slowly started pulling them down. Once they had joined my top and bra
on the floor, Edward kissed each toe on each foot, both ankles and crawled back
up my body, slowly burning a path up both legs. I was quivering by the time his
lips reached my thighs.
His hot breathe concentrated right over my center before
he kissed me over my underwear. Whoa,
I thought as a tingle shot through my body from the single touch. That’s new. My body shook as he placed
another soft kiss right over my covered center before he moved and kissed the
hem of my panties.
It hit me like a gunshot. I understood what he had been
saying. “Just let me show you how much I
missed you. This is all about you.” Edward wanted to go down on me!
The overwhelming desire was quickly tainted by panic. The
thought of his mouth on me, tasting me, and licking me made my bravery start to
shatter.
I knew that it was supposed to be amazing; Alice had gone on and on
the first time Jasper had gone down on her. But I couldn’t get over the fear.
What if I smelled bad, or tasted gross?
NO! I warred with
myself. This is Edward. He won’t care
what I smell like or taste like. He loves me. He wants to pleasure me without
any type of reciprocation. He’s just helping me push my limits. I have to trust
him.
Unfortunately, at that moment, three things happened; he
pulled my underwear aside, placed a kiss on my naked flash, and my body jerked
in response to the intense sensation.
He propped himself up on his elbows so that he could look
up at me. “Bella,” he whispered, “you okay?”
I was panting at the sensation, tense from the situation
and attempting to nod my head to show Edward that I was okay. Hesitant, but
okay.
“Bella, it’s all right. I won’t kiss you there if you
don’t want me to.” He said as he lovingly kissed my thigh and started to pull
away.
My eyes flew open at Edward’s words.
“But…I…” I was stunned that he would just stop.
“I just wanted a taste,” he smirked as he kissed my naked
shoulder.
I wondered if he was being honest in saying that he only
wanted a taste, or if he was calling it quits because of my involuntary body
spasm. It was true that I was nervous, but I didn’t necessarily want him to
stop. I felt bad that he always had to withhold his pleasure and desires for
me.
“I’m sorry, Edward.”
“Sorry for what? It’s fine if you’re nervous and scared.”
“I’m sorry that you had to stop. I didn’t want you to
stop. My body just reacted.”
I turned towards him, interlocked my legs with his and
snuggled into his arms.
“I know it’s stupid,” I continued, “but I’m worried that
you might get grossed out. What if I smell or taste gross?”
Edward chuckled as he lightly kissed my lips.
“Love, there is no way you could ever gross me out… and
you didn’t smell bad. You smell like lust, and desire, and sex.” He kissed me
again, increasing the intensity and lightly skimming his hand down my naked
back.
“It’s hard for me to stay away from you when you’re lying
here, naked and moaning,” he said as he started to run his hand over my hips
and down my thigh, hooking it higher over his leg. “But we’ll always go at your speed, love. I
just wanted to make you feel good and I sometimes forget myself and forget that
this is all new to you.”
Edward and I just held each other until he fell asleep.
Unfortunately, sleep did not come so easily for me. I kept thinking about what
he said about forgetting that this was all new for me and that we’d always go
at my pace. It wasn’t fair for me to stop him just because I was inexperienced.
He would never hurt me or push me too far. Plus, if I never pushed myself, how
was I ever going to move past being inexperienced?
I had found strength in my own desire on Saturday when
Edward and I went to see Cirque du Soleil. I had initiated things that morning
in bed, in the shower and had pushed myself to be on top of him during sex that
night. I had seen what I wanted and took it.
“See it, want it, take it, have it.”
It was my motto on Saturday and from now on, it was going to be the philosophy
I strived to live by.
