Wednesday July 21
I woke up in an empty bed, still clad in my peach bra and yellow skirt from the night before. My position was incredibly uncomfortable, as my skirt was twisted around my waist and the underwire of my bra was digging into the side of my chest. I sat up in bed and looked around for any sign of Edward. He wasn’t in bed or anywhere in the bedroom. His clothes from yesterday, however, were folded on top of his duffle bag, which was sitting in the corner of the room. Immediately, my mind filled with images of last night. Edward and I had done more in 11 days, hell, we had done more last night than Jacob and I had in almost 10 years.
The smile that took over my face was involuntary. I recognized that I had pushed myself last night and that I still wasn’t ready, but I wanted Edward. I was finally ready to admit to myself that I wanted him badly.
As I continued to look for additional signs of Edward’s whereabouts, I immediately heard a noise. In actuality, it was the immediate stop to a noise that I noticed: the sound of the pipes groaning as the shower turned off.
With a smile still on my face, I got out of bed, exchanged my skirt and bra for my housecoat from the hook behind my bedroom door, and headed down to the kitchen to make coffee and breakfast. After setting up the coffee maker and popping some Eggo waffles in the toaster, I headed back to my room just in time to see Edward emerge from the bathroom, dressed for the day in a dark grey button up shirt and light grey pants.
“Good morning, beautiful,” he smiled as he walked over to where I was standing, waiting for him to join me at the doorway to my bedroom. He leaned in, smelling incredibly fresh and clean, with just a hint of Edward, and gently pressed his lips to mine. The taste of his toothpaste instantly reminded me of my unfortunate morning breath. I could feel Edward snickering against my lips as I reluctantly kissed him back, refusing to open my mouth or deepen the kiss. He pulled back and continued to laugh at my behavior as he walked downstairs, leaving me to get ready for the day.
After a quick shower and my regular morning routine, I walked downstairs wearing a light blue cowl neck t-shirt and some light grey pants. I entered the kitchen just as Edward finished pouring himself a cup of coffee and returned to reading the paper.
“So,” he began as I set my coffee cup and plate of syrup slathered Eggos on the table. “I was thinking. How would you like to come to my place for dinner tonight and spend the night?” My heart immediately started to race. “You haven’t seen it yet,” he continued, “and I need to start packing for Friday morning. I need to do laundry and get everything ready and finish writing up some reports on some patients before I go, so I won’t be able to come here, but I want to see as much of you as possible before the weekend.”
Why the hell am I freaking out about him asking me to come to his place? He’s been here almost every day since we’ve met; it’s about time I see his place.
With a deep breath to try and steady my confusing nerves, I shyly answered Edward.
“Sure,” I said as I pushed out on a soft breath, “that’d be nice.”
A huge grin spread over Edward’s face as he went on to tell me what time his shift ended and what he had planned for us tonight. I wasn’t fully paying attention though, as I was struggling between what my heart, nerves and brain were telling me. I didn’t quite understand my trepidation about going to Edward’s. I wasn’t sure if it was just because we’d be somewhere other than my house, so I couldn’t rely on the comfort my home provided me, or was it the fact that in taking our relationship to a different location, it made it more ‘real’?
If I got uncomfortable at my house, I knew there was always the option to ask Edward to leave. He had given me that option the first night we met. But at his house, if things got strange, or uncomfortable, I would either have to suck it up, or I would be the one to walk out on him. I would have to leave him behind and in a way, walk away from ‘us.’
OOOr maybe it’s just the simple fact that it’s something new and different and I don’t do new and different and I’m afraid change of location will make a change in us.
“Bella?” Edward asked, shaking me from my thoughts. “You okay?”
I shook my head and looked Edward in the eyes, giving him a small smile of reassurance. “I’m fine.”
Edward gave me a skeptical glance before he took another sip of his coffee and continued. “Okay, well I should be home at about quarter after six, so come over anytime after that.” He prattled on about how excited he was for me to spend the night and wrote down directions for me on one of the napkins on the table.
It was only ten minutes later when Edward got up to take his coffee cup to kitchen, grabbed his overnight bag, and kissed me goodbye before heading out to work. My mind was still spinning with anxiety over tonight and the deafening silence that rang through my home only amplified my nervousness.
It’s only Edward’s house, nothing scary. I repeated this thought the entire drive to school. Unfortunately, it made no difference. The students could obviously tell that my mood was off as the entire atmosphere in the classroom gradually became thicker and tenser throughout the morning. Our normal light-hearted and chatty class worked quietly straight from ten till one and even remained solemn throughout the lunch break. Luckily, the students had a work period which required very little professionalism and teaching on my part. I only had to hand out their assignment sheets and go over the details.
Their new project, and the last one for the summer, was the hardest one thus far. As I had opted to forego a final exam for the class, this assignment replaced it. It counted for 50% of their total mark and was broken down into four sections. Each section required the students to write a short story illustrating a writing lesson we studied this summer.
For the first section, the student’s story could only have one character and needed to illustrate first person narrative. The story needed to focus on characterization and the structure of their character’s personality. This story needed to be based upon control and understanding, planning, and having a solid grasp of their character.
Section two actually required two stories. They needed to write about a single event, but tell it in two completely different points of view. For this story, the students needed to focus on detail orientation. For example, how would driving to the mall be different for the driver and passenger? What would one notice that the other didn’t?
The third section was much like their most recent project: focusing on the negative hero theory. This time, however, the students had to create the negative hero instead of deconstructing someone else’s. Their challenge was to make him/her someone who saved the day but still someone who had flaws.
The final section of their project was to write an analysis of the story they studied throughout the summer. Their thesis was simple; how would I have changed the story if I were the author? The essay needed to focus on the major lessons that were touched upon in class: characterization, personality, points of view, stereotypes and social expectations, and the negative hero theory.
Although each student had in some way already written about these topics in the class, this was an opportunity to for them to truly analyze the story as a whole. Should the author have written in different points of view? Given more detail about the characters? Did they use too many stereotypes? Did the author limit the characters because of age, gender or physical appearance? Was the main character truly a role model or a hero in the story, or were there elements that didn’t send the best message?
I was well aware that this was an extremely difficult final assignment for students entering their senior year of high school, but it was a summer enrichment program and I had no doubt that each student would rise to the challenge.
What I was concerned about, however, was tonight. I spent the rest of the class listening to silent murmurs and fingers typing on keys. Anxiety was seeping from the wall and I was only adding to the tension.
At one o’clock, I let the students out, all of them leaving with worried and stressed faces. Mine was no different. I climbed into my truck and slowly made my way home to pack for tonight and tomorrow.
“What the hell do I bring?” I asked myself as I stood in front of my closet with my empty overnight bag spread open on my bed behind me. I looked over my rack of clothes, picking out a simple burgundy wrap shirt and tan slacks. After grabbing my matching burgundy bra and panties from my dresser and my pajamas, I went into my bathroom to pack up my toiletry bag.
“Okay,” I said to myself out loud. “Shampoo, conditioner, body wash and puff, face cloth, toothpaste, toothbrush, hairbrush, pills, and deodorant.” I listed off each item as I threw them in my bag, making sure that I wasn’t missing anything. I opened the drawers below my bathroom sink to see if there was anything else I needed to pack for the night and noticed my unopened box of tampons. I just glared at the bright blue box that mocked me with it unnecessary presence.
I was blatantly aware that I had missed my period, yet again, but for some reason, I was angry about it this time. Each time I skipped my period, my doctor’s words would come back to haunt me.
“You have a severe hormone imbalance. This doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to have kids, just that it may be very difficult for you to ever get pregnant.”
It had been just over a year since I first went to my doctor with my concerns and he put me on the pill. I had always had an irregular cycle, but it wasn’t until a frightening episode where my period wouldn’t stop for three weeks straight that I went to see him and he put me on birth control. And stop it he did. The pills he put me on were apparently so strong that I was missing my period all together. This was the third time I skipped it this year and I was too afraid to go back to the doctor to see what else was wrong.
With a heavy sigh, I leaned down and grabbed a couple of tampons, just to be on the safe side as I was only a week late.
After placing everything in my bag, I took it with me downstairs, placed it by the front door and went into the kitchen. Edward had always done things for me when he came over – bringing me flowers and cupcakes, making me dinner – so I wanted to do something to reciprocate. I opened the cupboards and the fridge, looking for something I could use. I smiled when I saw the old, black bananas in the back of the freezer. PERFECT!
I grabbed the bananas, threw them into a bowl, and set them in the microwave to defrost. While they were thawing, I gathered the rest of the ingredients I would need and got ready to make some banana bread.
After putting the bread in the oven, I made myself a tuna sandwich for lunch and pulled out my laptop for something to do. I was searching around different websites, looking for new recipes and checking to see what new books were available on Amazon, when my iPhone beeped beside me, notifying me of a new email. I quickly went to my inbox and my heart started to race at the message waiting for me. “Greetings from the Whitlocks!” I quickly clicked on the email and a huge smile lit up my face.
Hey Bella,
It’s me…Mrs. Mary Alice WHITLOCK!!! I’ll never get tired of saying that.
I hope everything is going well for you. The honeymoon has been amazing!!!The car is fabulous. I have to thank Em for it. The weather has been perfect. It’s been constantly sunny, the scenery through the mountain is completely breathtaking and the sex…oh God, Bella, we’ve been doing it everywhere. In the car, in a national park, against trees, on the ferry over to Vancouver Island…I don’t mean to be too forward, but it’s so different with Jasper now as my husband. I don’t know how to explain it but I feel closer to him.
Anyway, enough about my sex life, how have things been going with you? How have classes been? I got your message the other day. I was so glad that you called, but I haven’t really had time to call you back. I hope you weren’t calling about anything specific.
So, I did something I wasn’t really supposed and I hope you don’t get mad at me. I told Jasper what you said at the wedding about how you asked if he asked Edward to come and talk to you. I know, I know…please don’t be mad. I was just really worried about you. But just know that Jasper didn’t say anything to Edward but said that if you want to talk to him, he’s here for you too.
Anyway, I gotta go. Jasper and I are going whale watching…eeek…but email me back.
I miss you.
Alice.
I typed a quick message back to Alice telling her about my classes and how jealous I was of her going whale watching. For some reason, I didn’t mention anything about Edward. I didn’t know if it was because I was afraid to jinx it or if I just didn’t want to deal with Alice’s questions. Whatever the reason, I kept him to myself.
After I sent my email and shut my computer down, I removed the bread from the oven to cool. That was when I noticed it was quickly getting closer to when I had to leave. So with my overnight bag in hand and the banana bread wrapped in aluminum foil, I headed out to my truck and over to Edwards.
At six eighteen, I slowly turned onto what I thought was Edward’s street. Something didn’t seem right though. All these houses were mansions and surely Edward didn’t live in this big of a house all by himself. With my truck pulled over to the side of the road and my hazard lights flashing, I double checked the address Edward had given me. Sure enough, Edward’s house was only three doors down.
My truck slowly crept up the driveway of a stunning two story, colonial style home. It had steel gray siding with dark gray shutters, a perfectly manicured lawn and shrubbery and huge trees flanking the front of the house.
“Holy hell!” I whispered to myself as I took in the size of the property. I was completely baffled and more than slightly intimidated by Edward’s house.
With a steadying breath, I opened the truck door, grabbed my stuff and made my way up the walkway to Edward’s front door. I stood there, studying the white door that would eventually open and lead into Edward’s world for a good solid minute before I reached forward to press the doorbell.
My heart was pounding as I listened intently for any sign of Edward inside. Suddenly, the soft patter of footsteps grew louder before the doorknob clicked and turned, revealing a beaming Edward.
“Hello, beautiful. Welcome to my home.” The smile on Edward’s face was infectious as he took my overnight bag from my left hand and ushered me into his house. He placed a quick kiss on my lips before he shut the door behind me.
I was completely speechless. Edward’s home was immaculate. We entered into a large foyer with cream walls and beautiful hardwood floors. There was a small oak table beside the door that held a small copper table lamp, Edward’s mail and his keys. A small, abstract painting in burgundy, cream, gold and black hung above the table. There were open doorways on either side of me leading into the living room on one side and the kitchen on the other and a set of glass, French doors immediately in front.
“Here,” Edward said as he put my overnight bag on the floor and removed my purse and banana bread from my hands, placing them both on the table. The feeling of Edward’s touch brought me out of my fascination, allowing me to realize that I had yet to even greet him.
“Edward,” I whispered as our eyes met, both of us still standing in the front foyer. “This place is beautiful.”
An exuberant smile lit up his face and he walked closer to me and wrapped me in his arms. “I’m glad you like it,” he whispered as he lowered his forehead against mine. Ever so slowly, he moved his lips closer to their ultimate destination.
His lips softly brushed over mine as his arms encircled around my waist. He pulled me close while his thumb played with the hem of my shirt. His kissed deepened the slightest bit; he took my bottom lip between his as his lips slowed against mine, calming my nerves and relaxing me further into him. I missed him today.
It was still hard to admit it to myself, that I had really opened up and let someone in after being so closed off for so long. But the closer Edward and I became, the harder it was to deny how I truly felt for him, and how much I had grown to need him. It was unnerving.
With a final pass of his tongue over my lip, Edward pulled back to rest his forehead returned to rest against mine.
“Hi,” he whispered as he continued to run his thumb against my skin.
“Hi,” I whispered back before brushing my lips against his one more time.
“So,” he said gleefully as he moved back from me, taking my hand in his. “What’s in the aluminum foil?”
“Dessert. I made banana bread.”
The smile on his face grew even larger as he picked it up from the table. “Well, let’s get this to the kitchen and we can start the tour.”
Edward led me to the left, into a long, beautiful, white kitchen. There was a permanent island on the right side which separated the cooking area from a seating area. The kitchen had beautiful matching built-in, white double ovens and tons of cupboards. The most surprising thing, however, was at the end of the kitchen was a floor to ceiling, wall to wall unit, completely full of books. There was a comfortable looking beige loveseat seated against the wall and glass doors leading out to the backyard. It was a kitchen and library all in one.
“So…” Edward started as he swung his arms out like Vanna White “…this is the kitchen. Over there is the reading nook and over there…” he said as he pointed to another doorway beside where we entered “…is the dining room.”
He put the banana bread on the counter and immediately took my hand, leading me into the dining room. The room was shaped like a half turret. To the left side of the room there were two large windows looking out back and a glass door leading out onto the patio.On the right side were the French doors that greeted me in the foyer. In the centre was a beautiful six piece, dark wood dining room set.
Edward pulled me straight through the dining room, into the living room, down into the basement and then up to the top floor
“Holy shit!” I whispered as Edward placed my overnight bag he retrieved beside his dresser.
Edward’s master bedroom was huge. There was no other word for it. On top of the king size bed, which didn’t even take up a quarter of the wall, Edward had a full size couch placed under the large bay window and a media unit against the wall opposite his bed. With the oversized furniture, plus dresser, side tables, coffee table and armoire, there was still enough room in there for me to park my truck.
I could see the smirk on Edward’s face as he returned from my side. “Okay,” he said with a smirk on his face. “Last thing to show you.”
Edward took my hand and led me to one of four doors in his bedroom. He had shown me the walk-in closet, the en-suite bathroom, and there was obviously the door we entered from. The last door, however, was glass and led outside.
He slowly turned the knob and pushed open the double doors, revealing a balcony which overlooked his entire back yard and a small hot tub.
I was completely overwhelmed by Edward’s home. In total, it had five bedrooms, two full bathrooms, two washrooms, a hot tub, a library, an office, a living room, a den and a huge backyard which actually contained a small natural waterfall. I wanted to cry.
“Bella?” Edward softly asked as he slid his arms around my waist from behind me. I stood there, leaning on the railing of his balcony, overlooking his paradise. “Are you okay?”
I took a deep breath and turned around to face his worried eyes. “I’m fine. It’s just a lot to take in.”
A look of concern flashed before Edward’s eyes before he once again took my hand and led me back into his mansion. We were silent as we walked back downstairs to the living room. Once there, Edward pulled me down to sit with him on one of the two large couches.
“Tell me what you’re thinking?” he asked in a soft voice. Edward pulled me into his left side and placed a chaste kiss on top of my head.
“I’m just thinking about how big this place is. I just didn’t realize that you lived like this.” I felt like an idiot for saying that, but I had to remain honest with Edward. We had made so much progress in such little time that I had to trust that the truth would be okay.
“I know…” he answered softly before he pulled back to look me in the eyes. “I’ve always thought that too. Ever since I was a little kid.”
My brow quirked at him in confusion before he continued. “It was my grandparent’s home. My grandfather was an architect and built it for my grandmother in 1947. It was her dream house. My mother and aunt were both born here, but when they both moved out, they tried to convince my grandparents to sell it as it was too large of a house for them to take care of at that age. But my grandmother refused. This was the home her husband built for her.”
Edward had a faraway look in his eyes as he continued to filter through his memories.
“I remember coming here as a kid for Christmas and Easter dinners. I thought we were related to royalty or something. I had never met anyone who lived in a house like this.”
The room remained silent for a while. Edward had stopped talking, completely caught up in his memories.
“Both my grandparents passed away about five years ago and left me the house in their will. I moved in three years ago after I graduated from med school.”
Edward continued to tell me about his grandparents and what they were like. He told me how his mom completely redid the interior of the house in the two years between his grandparents passing and the time he moved in.
“I’m sorry, Edward,” I whispered once he was done telling me his story. “I didn’t mean to insult your home or insinuate anything.”
“I know,” he breathed as he pulled me once again into his side. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. It is huge and way too large for one person, but I can’t get rid of it. There are just too many memories.”
Edward and I were silent for a while before he stood up and held his hand out for me.
“Help me with dinner?” he asked in a soft and gentle voice.
“Of course.”
Edward and I walked hand in hand back to the kitchen and started on making fajitas for dinner. We talked about our respective days as I chopped the vegetables and Edward grilled the chicken. We ended up eating at the kitchen island with everything spread out before us. Edward and I sat side by side, gently nudging the others foot in between the stools.
It was obvious that we were both trying hard not to think about his grandparent’s story or the fact that the weekend was quickly approaching.
It was almost nine o’clock by the time we had finally put all the leftovers in the fridge and cleaned up all the dishes. I couldn’t help but let a small yawn escape my mouth.
“Tired already?” Edward questioned with a smile as he started to lead me upstairs. My heart began to race at the possibilities of tonight’s practice session. Monday was the couch, last night we fooled around in my bed and I ended up shirtless with Edward’s hands on my breast. Who knew what tonight could hold.
“Just a little,” I answered back, trying to steady my voice and the heaviness of my breath.
“Well, how about we change and watch a movie in bed?”
As we entered Edward’s room, the comfortable looking bed made me realize that that was exactly what I needed - to lay in Edward’s arms and just relax.
“Sounds perfect.”
Edward went to his dresser and pulled out some black and grey striped pajama pants and a plain black t-shirt as I excused myself to the bathroom, holding my overnight bag tightly in my hands. With one last steadying breath, I changed from my work clothes into a pair of navy PJ shorts and a light blue tank top. It wasn’t until I was dressed and looked in the mirror that I realized that I could see through my top. It wasn’t obvious, but if you were looking, you’d definitely see through to the girls. Reluctantly, I put my bra back on before performing my nightly routine and making my way back into Edward’s room.
My eyes immediately landed on the empty bed, but before I allowed myself to panic, I noticed Edward sitting on the floor in front of the media unit sorting through his DVD’s.
“So,” he said with a smile. “What do you want to watch?”
I placed my bag down by his dresser and made my way over to sit near him. He had pulled out a couple of movies, including The Dark Knight, Avatar, The Shawshank Redemption, The DaVinci Code, and both National Treasure movies. They were all good movies in my mind, but each one was over two hours long and I had to get up at seven in the morning to compensate for the distance between Edward’s place and the school.
“How about this one?” I asked as I pulled Oceans Eleven off the shelf. “I’ve seen it dozens of times so I won’t feel bad if I fall asleep during it.”
Edward smiled at me as he took the DVD from my hand and placed it in the player. “Sounds good to me,” he said as he stood up, holding out his hand to help me up off the floor.
We walked over to his bed, both of us automatically going to our respective sides and slid in. The comfort that enveloped me was unreal. It was the most comfortable bed I had ever been in. I snuggled deeper into the bed, stacking pillows behind me and cocooned myself in the thick comforter.
“What time do you need to get up?” Edward asked as he switched on the bedside lamp before walking back to the bedroom door to turn off the over head lights.
“Um…seven?” I asked as Edward made his way back to bed and cuddled up beside me. He laid his arm over my shoulder and brought my body to rest against his. He reached over and flicked a switch on his alarm clock, pressing some bottoms until the time shone brightly with a glowing 7:00AM. He flicked another switch on the clock before turning off the side lamp and settling deeper into bed.
We comfortably leaned against each other while watching the movie. I had my chest pressed against Edward’s side and my arm wrapped across Edward’s stomach as he held me tightly against him, placing soft kisses against my hair.
“I missed you today,” he whispered as his hand rubbed up and down my back.
I pulled back to look at him, the flashing glow of the TV lighting up his face in the softest way. “I missed you too.”
Edward’s hand moved from my hip up to my chin and gently held it in place as he lowered his lips to mine. His mouth was strong and sure against mine, a clear indication of how much he missed me. And yet, it was not demanding or forceful. His lips were still tender. He took my bottom lip in between his as he gently shimmied down deeper into the bed so that we were level with each other. His warm tongue gently wet my bottom lip, causing my mouth to magically open to him. Our tongues met, softly caressing and yearning for more. My hands crept up from his chest to wrap around his neck as he warm fingers moved to the hem of my shirt and slid underneath, stopping only when they reached the band of my bra.
A soft moan escaped Edward’s mouth as I accidently grazed my teeth across his top lip. His kiss immediately pressed forward, his lips becoming more solid against mine. The passion instantly escalated as he pulled me closer and kissed me more firmly than ever before. And although the kiss was anything but rough, it was so intimate that I felt it in the core of my chest. I had to pull my lips away to catch a breath as Edward’s warm and wet mouth trailed urgent kisses down my neck.
“Bella,” he whispered as he kissed along the top of my shirt. “Please.”
An unknown sound escaped my mouth at having Edward ask for more. It was something between a whimper, a grunt, a panting breath and a moan. It had been important that Edward be patient with me and not push and I was incredibly grateful that he had been. But knowing that he wanted me and having him ask for more, it was a complete turn on.
Without a word, I simply released my grip around his neck and lifted my arms, allowing him to carefully remove my shirt.
He partially sat up on his elbow and tossed my shirt beside the bed before he looked down at me in by gray lace bra.
“You are so beautiful,” he breathed as he reverently kissed each covered breast and returned his tender lips to mine.
His kiss instantly changed, as his lips pressed softly against mine, almost as if he were in awe of them. His would gently mold against mine, slightly parted before he would pull back and leisurely dive back in. We were both breathing hard and although our kisses had slowed, our desire for each other hadn’t waned. Our tongues would affectionately tease each other’s before we succumbed to one another and opened our mouths at the same time. Our tongues met in the middle, and tenderly moved with each other.
Edward’s left hand had found the bare skin of my right leg and was trailing his warm fingers up and down it. The light touch was causing goose bumps to erupt on my skin. I was so lost in Edward’s kiss and his touch that I hadn’t registered that his hand had moved under the leg of my shorts until I felt his finger lightly brush against the edge of my underwear at the junction of my leg and pelvic bone.
I pulled my lips away and gasped at the feeling of his soft fingers against this untouched part of my body. My forehead rested against his chest as my hand shot down to grab his wrist to stop the movement of his finger.
“Bella,” he panted, “I’m sorry.” He tried to pull his hand out of my shorts but my hand remained clamped around his wrist. Holy hell, he’s touching me! God it feels good but fuck…breath, Bella, just breath. We can do this. He stopped yesterday when he thought that things had gotten too much. Can I really let him touch me there? God I want him to, but fuck…
With my eyes scrunched closed, I contemplated what to do. I knew it was stupid to stop and think about this when his hand was already in my shorts, but my brain immediately took over.
I pulled back to look at Edward, his face still lit by the glow of the TV. There was nothing but trust and affection in his eyes. He won’t hurt me! With a calming breath, I slowly released my grip on his wrist. Edward started to remove his hands from my shorts but I quickly grabbed his wrist again.
“No,” I whispered against his shirt. “I’m okay.”
“You sure?” he quietly asked as his hand started to message my thigh.
If I tell him to stop, I’ll kill that look in his eyes. He’ll never touch me again. I need to do this. I want to do this. He won’t push me.
Looking up into Edward’s eyes, I made sure that mine shone with certainty as I nodded at him.
Edward slowly lowered his lips back to mine, capturing them in an indulgent kiss. With my hand completely released from his wrist, Edward removed his hand from my shorts and placed it on my hip. Rejection coursed through my veins as his thumb brushed over the waist of my shorts. He didn’t want to touch me. He didn’t trust that I wanted him to touch me. I was about to pull back when I felt his hand slide under the waistband of my shorts and palm my back side.
Edward slowly pulled back, severing every place of contact between us besides his hand under my shorts. His right hand came to join his left at the waist of my shorts and with one final look at me for confirmation, Edward slid my shorts down my legs, tossing them beside the bed, leaving me laying there in my bra and panties.
Edward carefully lowered himself onto his right side, sliding his right arm under my body, hugging me to his chest. His left hand ghosted over my right leg, down the outside and up the inside. He repeated this circuit as his lips once again found mind. Each time his hand made the upwards trek, it got closer and closer to its original location at the junction of my legs.
Between the longing in his kiss, the embrace of his arms and the caressing touches of his hand, I knew without a doubt that if he ventured any higher, Edward would soon find out just how much I truly did want him, regardless of how unsure I was. His hand was slowly venturing higher and higher and I had to disengage from the kiss to make sure I had remained somewhat in control of my body. There were too many feelings, too many emotions. My entire body was buzzing and I was unsure if I was in control or just holding on for the ride. I had no idea what I would do if Edward actually touched me there. I wasn't sure how I felt about him feeling how wet I was for him. But he was right there. It was like I was stretching a painful ankle, pushing it farther and farther through the pain, waiting for the 'pop' in order to find the release.
Edward and I were leaning our foreheads against one another, both of us breathing hard and both our hands exploring the other person. Both my hands were fisted in Edwards shirt, holding tightly as Edward torturously played 'chicken or go' with my body.
Finally with a large, shuttered breath, Edwards single finger ventured under the hem of my underwear to hesitantly skim across my lower lips.
My body convulsed at Edwards touch, as his other arm pulled me tighter into his body and his finger stilled against me, giving me time to adjust to this undiscovered feeling.
"Do you want me to stop?" he whispered in a ragged breath. All I could do was shake my head into his chest as my arms circled his neck, bringing our torsos closer together, desperately searching for something to hold on to, something to ground myself to.
Edwards’s finger started to pass over my lips, never venturing inside nor did they venture too low. I could feel my body shaking with both the nerves and pleasure his touch was causing. The feeling of his lips peppering kisses on my left temple as I buried my face in his neck only increased the intimacy of the moment.
A part of me wanted to pull back and tell him to stop, that I had explored and tested my limits enough, but another part of me simply couldn’t deny the pleasure.
The pressure of Edward’s finger slightly increased and without thought, I bent my right knee, opening myself up to Edward more and bringing our bodies closer together. But with this unconscious movement, I also shifted my body, consequently pushing Edward’s finger past my tingling lips and into the wetness beneath.
My already erratic breath hitched at the same time as a gust of breath left Edward’s lips. Edward’s finger stopped, waiting for my reaction as he once again held me tighter to him, crushing our chests together.
“God, Bella,” he breathed against my temple. The emotions and feelings of this experience were all so much that my mind was completely racing. I once again wanted more, but was afraid. You’re 28 Bella, you can do this. Your boyfriend, the man who you’re falling in love with is touching you, making you feel good. He won’t hurt you…he’s not Jake. And what if he misinterprets you asking him to stop as you pushing him away? He’s leaving Friday, do you really want him to leave thinking that you don’t want him, that you don’t trust him?
With my brain arguing with my nerves and my desire, I realized that I needed this. Not just for us - to make sure that no one felt rejected - but for myself. I had never been touched before and knowing that Edward wanted to touch me, simply to bring me pleasure, made me feel important, desirable, and wanted for the first time in my entire life. I need this…for me.
Without a single word, I pressed a kiss to the left side of Edward’s neck and opened my legs further, ultimately hitching it over his hip. As I had hoped, Edward’s finger resumed its languorous movement up to my bundle of nerves, and down to my core. Every so often, Edward’s finger would gently rub over my clit, causing my body to jolt in his arms. It wasn’t long before Edward started circling my opening, slightly dipping in before softly retreating.
Tiny whimpers left my mouth at the torturous feeling and the surprising longing of his touch. I no longer just wanted it; I needed it. I craved and yearned for Edward’s finger. With each swipe over my clit and core, an uncontrollable whine left my lips and vibrated against Edward’s neck where they lay. Finally, the movement of his fingers halted right at my entrance.
“Bella?” he asked, his voice nothing but a shaky whisper. And with a jagged nod of my head, Edward’s finger slowly entered me.
A high pitched whimper left my lips as I clenched my arms around Edward’s neck. The feeling of his single finger in me was…I don’t know. I hadn’t expected it to feel like it did. It was somehow warm and welcoming as its gentle movement massaged my walls. And although the feeling of having something in me after having him touch me was an enormous relief, I was still filled with tension.
I brought myself tighter into his chest as my body became rigid. I could feel the tension building at an alarming rate, feeling it rise higher and higher, knowing that right behind the tension and pressure was an ultimate release.
Quite whimpers and whines continued to escape my lips and land on Edward’s neck. His name was intermixed with the unintelligible sounds that left me. The pressure was building throughout my entire body. Both my legs had gone rigid and my toes were curled, trying to hold off my release.
“Shhh, it’s okay, Bella. I’m right here,” Edward whispered against the left side of my neck. “Just let go.”
I shook my head into his chest as I continued to cling to him. I was afraid of what would happen. It was all too much. I had never felt like this before. There was too much tension in my body, and it continued to build and I was afraid to just let go. I had never had a man please me before and it had never felt like this when I had pleasured myself.
“Bella.” Edward cooed in my ear as his thumb started to rub against my clit.
My entire body bucked against his hand, pushing his finger deeper into me. I felt as if my body as going to explode.
“I can’t,” I cried out between clenched teeth as I tightened my legs further around his arm.
“Trust me.”
Edward’s whispered words caused me to lose control. My entire body tightened and shook in Edward’s arms. He held me tightly to him, securing me as I rode out my orgasm. My walls violently clenched around his finger as he slowed his movement in me and rubbed his right thumb tenderly across the back of my neck.
Tears sprang to my eyes as everything spilled over. I had never had someone care about me so much. No one had ever wanted to take care of me. I never thought that someone would want to be with me, let alone pleasure me without an agenda for reciprocation. I always thought that if I were lucky enough to be with someone, it would simply be for their release. But Edward was so slow, so gentle, holding me the entire time, making sure I was alright.
I love you.
I couldn’t stop the thought from popping into my head, or the fact that the words moved across my lips as I buried my face deeper into Edward’s neck, slowly relaxing into Edward’s embrace.
I love you.
