Chapter 10 text

Monday, July 12th

My phone rang at 2:15pm, startling me enough to actually warrant a small yelp to escape from my mouth. I had been busy with laundry, changing my bed sheet, washing the bathroom and the kitchen floors and completely obsessing over Edward. I still couldn’t believe that I had only really known him for less than 48 hours and we had already slow danced, gone out on a date, kissed numerous times and he had actually spent the night in my bed, with me in his arms. That’s more than Jake and I ever did.

The depressing thought luckily was interrupted by the ringing of my cell phone. I reached into the back pocket of my cutoff jean shorts and pulled out my phone to see Edward’s name lighting up my screen. A smile immediately spread across my face.

“Hello?”

“Hello, beautiful. How’s your day been?”

In 28 years, I had never been called beautiful, and he had already said it three times since we met. My insides were churning, prickling with the conflicting excitement and trepidation that came from just thinking about Edward. He had made me feel more special, more desired, more normal than anyone ever had before. Not that there were many men to compare him to. Only one, and he’s an ass.

I shook my head to get rid of the thoughts that always hurt my heart.

“It’s been a normal day. All I’ve done is clean the house and do laundry. Not too exciting. I’m bored out of my mind and miss Alice. How’s your day going?”

“I’m just on a break right now, waiting for Claire to get back from her check-up with her surgeon.”

I recognized Claire’s name, but between Saturday and last night, he had mentioned a lot of patients to me, trying to clarify what ‘musical therapy’ actually was, and to be completely honest, I was still a bit fuzzy. Apparently my pause was a little too long because Edward chimed in with a slight laugh.

“Claire was the three year old little girl who had her vocal cords crushed when the bookcase she was climbing on fell on her, remember?”

Oh God. That story I definitely remembered. It brought me to tears when Edward first told me about her. Just thinking about the trauma that that little girl must have gone through, and still be going through, once again brought tears to my eyes. I involuntarily sniffed before I answered Edward.

“Yea, I remember her.”

“Bella?” Edward asked, worry clear in his voice, “you ok?”

“Yea, her story is just really sad.” I gave one more sniff and tried to shake the sadness away.

“I know, but she’s getting better. I promise.” I could tell by the sound of his voice that he really cared for her. He cared for all the kids he worked with. He was so emotionally involved when he told me their stories that it sounded like they were his own children.

“So what are you planning on doing with her today?” I asked, as I sat down on my clean kitchen floor, trying to turn the topic around.

“Singing!” he said with a jolt of enthusiasm. “We’ve been working on strengthening her vocal cords, starting with simple humming and then humming different notes, but apparently she whispered something to the nurse today, so I’m going to try singing. Nothing too difficult though, I just want to see if she can whisper the words to ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’. If that works, who knows, she might be singing and talking again in a couple of months.” He was so excited that his smile was evident over the phone.

“That’s amazing Edward. I hope it works.”

“Even if she can’t sing, she’s been so sad and angry lately that she can’t talk to the other kids, that hopefully the music will at least make her feel a bit better.”

“So how long do you have until she gets back from her check-up?”

“Just long enough to ask you out for dinner tonight.”

I paused on the phone thinking about his proposition. If our first date of seeing a movie was elaborate enough to include an outdoor screen, a basket loaded with food, blankets and sleeping bags, I could only image what a dinner out with Edward would entail. He was probably hoping to take me to a fancy restaurant, with a private table, lit only by candlelight, with a menu that didn’t even have prices listed, where I would have to wear a fancy dress. Christ, I probably wouldn’t even be able to afford the soup at a restaurant that Edward would want to take me to. And I most definitely wouldn’t have something to wear.

I didn’t want to turn Edward down, but I knew that anywhere he would take me would be spectacular and expensive and I would feel guilty the entire night. It would be awkward and it would prove again how much I didn’t deserve this man.

“Bella?” he asked, waiting for my reply, “did you want to go to dinner tonight? I was thinking Bella Italia.”

Holy shit!! That’s one of the nicest and most expensive places in town. What do I tell him?

“Um…how about if you come over after work and I can make us something.” Providing I have something in the house to cook or at least enough money to do a quick stop at the grocery store.

“Bella, that sounds really nice, but I don’t want you to have to cook when I asked you out for dinner. Let’s just go somewhere nice where we can relax over a bottle of wine and eat ridiculously priced desserts.”

I knew it wasn’t my money that we would be spending, and that Edward was the type of person who would definitely be taking care of the bill, but I still didn’t feel right going somewhere that I wouldn’t be able to pay for myself. Tears sprang to my eyes and I angrily wiped them away, frantically thinking of something to say. Deep breath. Just suck it up and accept his invitation. He clearly doesn’t care about money, so it shouldn’t make a difference to me…but it does. I guess if I want to have dinner with him, I’ll just have to accept the chivalry and be melancholy about my financial issues after he drops me back off.

Just as I was about to answer him, he cut me off in a somewhat defeated voice.

“It’s ok Bella. If you don’t want to go to dinner, that’s completely fine. I just thought that we had fun last night and I wanted to see you again. But please don’t feel pressured to agree if you don’t want to. I understand.”

Edward paused for a minute, letting the silence between us grow before he continued. “Listen, I gotta go, Claire just got here, but call me…I guess…if you ever want to get together…” his voice trailed off at the end and it took my heart with it. The realization that Edward thought that I didn’t want to see him and he was retracting his offer sent a shock to my system. FIX THIS!!!! Tears immediately sprang to my eyes again at how easily he had just given up on me. All it took was a pause from me and he gave me the ‘call me…I guess…if you want to’ speech. I knew he was waiting for my answer, for me to say something, but I couldn’t. I sat there with my phone pressed to my ear, frantically scrambling for something to say, but not coming up with anything. Before I could correct Edward’s misconception and agree to his dinner, I heard him let out a heavy sigh before he spoke again.

“Ok, well I gotta go…bye Bella...” I continued to sit, both us of silent, listening to Edward’s light breathing on the other end of the line. My mouth was opening and closing but no sound was coming from it, then the phone ‘clicked’, the dial tone rang loud and the call dropped from my cell. I looked down at the phone and stared at the ‘phone time 6:13’that was flashing below his name. Not even ten minutes on the phone and I ruined it. I couldn’t even answer him when he gave me ample opportunities to. I couldn’t say a word and now I’ve pushed away the first guy who’s shown me any true interest in years. No wonder I’m a virgin and have no friends. Fuck I’m an idiot.

I took a quick breath and tried to think about what I should do. I could just put my phone back in my pocket and get back down on my knees to scrub the kitchen floor, or, I could do something mature for the first time in my life and call him back and tell him the truth.

Before I lost my nerve, I quickly pressed his name on my phone and called him back. Unfortunately, the phone immediately went to voicemail.

“You’ve reached the voicemail of Dr. Edward Cullen. Please leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as I am available. If this is an emergency, please call the hospital directly.”

The beep sounded before I even knew what I was going to say. I sat there in shock while his machine recorded nothing but my breathing.

“Um…Edward?....It’s Bella…I…um…I don’t really know what to say. I’m…*sniff*… I’m sorry for before… I do want to see you again…and I did have a…a great time last night. It’s just that…oh God…this is going to sound really stupid but…*sniff*…I can’t afford it.” My voice was a whisper at the end. I was so embarrassed that I was telling him this, that tears were streaming down my face and onto the floor as I sat on my freshly cleaned linoleum, leaning back against my cupboards.

I sniffed and cleared my throat before I continued. “I’m being presumptuous here…but…but I assumed that you were…you were going to pay…and I…it doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel right letting you pay for something that I wouldn’t be able to pay for myself.” There. I said it. I said it in a rush and quietly, but I said it.

“…*sniff*…I invited you over because I do want to see you…but I just don’t…I’d feel bad taking…taking advantage of you…like that.”

I paused for a long while, sniffling, wiping away my tears and trying to think of what else to say before his machine cut me off.

“I’m just…I guess…I’m just sorry. If you want to go out, we can go out…just please don’t think…don’t think that I wouldn’t want to…that I don’t…” *BEEEEEEP* “like you.” I finished as the machine cut me off.

I sat there on the floor crying for almost an hour. I couldn’t believe that I ruined something before it even began. This man, this amazing man who said I was beautiful, all he wanted to do was take me out to dinner and I ruined it. I sat there on the floor feeling completely hollow. My chest hurt, as if someone was holding a vacuum to my heart and trying to suck it out of my body. I didn’t know why I was having such an intense reaction, why my chest hurt so much, I only knew that it did.

I thought about last night, him holding me, kissing me, gently rubbing my back and how it made me anxious. His touch made me nervous, but knowing that there could be no more touches somehow felt worse.

My phone chimed beside me and I raced to it. The only person who ever sent me a text was Alice, but she was on her honeymoon and wouldn’t be texting me after only two days. I looked down and saw the text bubble light up my screen

Edward Cullen wrote:

I’ll be there at 6. I’m sorry.

Edward.

I closed the message, not bothering to reply and quickly got off the floor to see what I had in the house that I could make. I didn’t think that Edward was the frozen pizza or canned soup type, so I ran to the landing, grabbed my purse and my keys and headed to the grocery store.

By 5:30, the Conchiglie shells were boiled and in my square casserole dish, covered with a homemade pasta sauce of tomato, garlic, basil, oregano, onion and mushroom, topped with shredded pieces of grilled chicken and loads of parmesan cheese and baking nicely in the oven.

I set the timer for 25 minutes and ran upstairs to get out of the cleaning clothes that I was still wearing. I threw on a pair of jeans and a plain black tank top, put my hair in a ponytail and put on my silver hoops and solitaire necklace. The outfit wasn’t fancy by any means, but at least I wasn’t wearing the same clothes I wore to scrub my toilet.

I ran downstairs with just enough time to open, wash and mix the pre-made Cesar salad I bought before the doorbell rang. I put the salad in the fridge to keep it cold and went to answer the door. Edward must have come straight from work. He looked stunning in his tan dress pants and white shirt, the sleeves folded up to the elbows and a grey tie. He held a large white box in the crook of his left elbow and had his right hand shoved in his pocket.

His eyes turned up to meet mine as I answered the door. My heart fell, however, at the sadness in his eyes.

“Hey,” he quietly said in a dejected and apologetic voice.

“Hey.”

I held the door open for Edward and he handed me the box of flowers as he crossed into my house.

“Thanks,” I whispered in embarrassment as I immediately lower my eyes to the floor. He gets rejected and I get flowers. God I’m such an ass. He’s way too good for me.

“Bella…I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you felt that…”

“It’s ok, Edward. Can we just forget about it?” I looked up to see Edward nodding his head as his shoulders visibly relaxed and he slipped off his shoes.

“It smells amazing in here,” he smiled as he followed me into the kitchen so that I could set the huge box of flowers on the counter and place them in water. I could feel Edward standing close behind me as I started to remove the huge pink bow from the box, then I felt his strong arms gently wrap around my waist and the soft touch of his lips on the top of my head.

I instinctively paused what I was doing as the briefest spark of anxiety shot through me before I resumed opening the box of flowers. His hold and kiss were innocent, but I couldn’t shake the tension that seemed to flow between us.

“I am sorry, Bella,” he whispered into my hair. His arms tightened around me as his forehead fell onto my left shoulder. “I never meant to make you feel that way.”

“I know,” I whispered, as my body automatically leaned back into his chest. It felt like he had been holding me this way, this intimately, for years and my body just reacted. He placed a soft kiss on my left temple before placing his chin on my shoulder to watch me unwrap the flowers.

When I finally cut all the tape that held the lid on, I slowly took the top of the box off, expecting a bouquet of roses, as the box would dictate. Instead, I burst out laughing.

“Well, since you wanted to make dinner, I thought I would bring dessert. But I also wanted to get you some ‘I’m sorry’ flowers, so I thought I’d get both.”

Inside the flower box were a dozen white cupcakes with different colored roses made out of red, yellow, orange and pink icing. He got me a bouquet of cupcakes.

“Thank you,” I said as I turned around to face him, “they’re perfect.”

He had a pleased smile on his face as he took my hand in his and entwined our fingers. He took a step closer to me and placed a soft kiss on my forehead before raising my chin with his left hand and gently kissing my lips.

“I really am sorry,” he whispered as he pulled back.

“Edward,” I began as I stepped back from him and lowered my head, our hands no longer entwined together, “please stop apologizing. It wasn’t your fault. I’m just…it’s just a tough subject for me. My family never had money and I’m…” I had to cut myself off. I didn’t really want to talk about my financial standings, or lack thereof.

“Talking over a bottle of wine and the ridiculously expensive desserts, I get it,” he answered as he slowly walked back towards me and encompassed me in a warm and caring embrace. “I never meant to make you feel that way and I most certainly didn’t mean to rub my money in your face. I wasn’t thinking.”

I just nodded into his chest as my arms lazily wrapped around his waist. Thankfully the timer on the oven went off before we could continue this uncomfortable and incredibly awkward conversation.

I pulled back from him and scooted out of his grasp to make my way over to the oven. I put on my oven mitts and took out the pasta dish as Edward recovered the cupcakes and somehow managed to place the box in the fridge.

“Can you grab the salad while you’re in there?” I asked as I placed the casserole dish on the burner to cool for 5 minutes.

Edward took the salad to the table as I got out plates, salad bowls and utensils. Unfortunately, I didn’t have any wine, it wasn’t in my budget, so I just put out basic tumbler glasses. I did have some beer left in the very back of my fridge from when Jasper and Emmett helped me move in but Edward insisted that the peach juice I had would be great.

Edward helped finish setting the table while I got serving spoons and the thick wooden placemat to put the hot casserole dish on. I brought our drinks over and we sat down, I at my normal spot at the head of the table facing the living room, while Edward sat on my right.

We sat and ate and talked more about our day. Apparently Claire didn’t end up singing today, and didn’t feel too great after her therapy session either. It seemed that her visit with her surgeon didn’t go so well and she was in a lot of pain.

Edward and I continued eating, him complementing my cooking numerous times with little grunts and moans as he placed a second and then third helping on his plate.

“God, Bella. That was excellent,” he told me as he pulled his fork out of his mouth after the last mouthful was gone from his plate.

“Thanks.” I don’t think that I could have been redder or that a bigger smile could have been plastered on my face. I was so happy that Edward actually liked what I made, and that it was something that didn’t break the bank. I got up to clear the dishes, but Edward stopped me.

“I don’t think so,” he laughed as he got up and gathered our plates, “you cooked, I clean.”

He piled our plates and bowls in one hand and grabbed the salad bowl with the other. He placed everything in the sink to be washed and came back for the casserole dish. As he bent over to grab the dish, he slowly leaned into me and pressed his lips softly to mine. They stayed there for a second, mine completely frozen with nervousness, before he slowly started to move his lips against mine, pulling back to take my top lip in between his. He leaned back in to press one more gentle kiss against my tentative lips before he pulled back to look down at me.

“Thank you,” he whispered as he cupped the left side of my face with his right hand, his thumb slowly rubbing over my cheek. “Thank you for making me dinner, and for calling me back.”

I lowered my head as my evil blush returned. “You’re welcome.” I felt him lightly kiss the top of my head before he took the last dish back into the kitchen and proceeded to open the fridge to get what I assumed were the cupcakes. I didn’t look up as he opened cupboard after cupboard until he found what he was looking for. I just sat there studying the napkin in my lap.

I couple of minutes later, Edward came back into the dining room, carrying two small plates and a large dinner plate with the cupcakes arranged in a concentric circular pattern. It looked like a little garden.

He sat down and offered me the first flower from our dessert garden. I picked a red rose and immediately picked off the icing flower to eat last.

We finished our cupcakes, me enjoying the pure sugar of the rose after the fluffy cupcake, and made our way into the living room for some coffee and a movie. Edward decided that since we watched my favorite movie the last time he was here, it was his turn to choose, and of course, being the typical guy, he chose one of the four action movie’s I had, Iron Man.

He popped in the movie and came to sit on my right side on the couch. We were sitting there watching the movie when I felt Edward put his arm around my shoulder, pulling me to lean into his left side. I timidly let him pull me closer to him, and eventually relaxed against his warm torso. His hand was rubbing up and down my bicep as he leaned over and kissed my right temple.

My face immediately dropped at the intimacy of our position but Edward seemed persistent that I not shy away from him. His hand went under my chin and tenderly brought my face up so that I was looking at him.

“Why do you hide from me every time I kiss you?”

“I…” I really didn’t want to get into the true reason behind my timidness right now, so I had to settle on a half-truth, hoping that it would be enough. “I’m not used to this type of attention.”

He looked at me as if I were crazy. His thumb brushed across the left side of my chin before he leaned in and gently kissed me. His lips were soft and warm against mine, but I was still anxious. I slowly kissed him back but was scared to put too much effort or desire into it just in case he wanted to deepen it, but I definitely desired this man. I liked the feel of Edward’s lips on mine. I had never felt this way during a kiss before. Jake’s kisses had always just been nice, but I felt like they were one sided. He would kiss me and I would simply reciprocate. Whereas with Edward, I could tell that he was hesitant because I was hesitant. He didn’t take, he gave. His kiss was never hard or demanding. His lips were always so gentle and plush.

Edward subtly took my top lip in between his again, allowing me to gently take his bottom in between mine. I could feel him wanting to deepen the kiss, but this was all I knew. If he deepened the kiss, I would be in unfamiliar territory, once again giving, while the other only took. I didn’t want that with Edward, so as soon as I felt the gentle brush of his tongue across my lip, I pulled back.

Edward just looked at me, longing in his eyes, also confusion and what I prayed was not hurt. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Edward when all he had ever done was be kind and gentle and patient with me. But I couldn’t look into his eyes anymore and see what could possibly be rejection in them. I didn’t want him to feel anything but appreciation for everything he had done. I lifted my left hand and placed it on his right, which was still holding my chin, and encompassed it in mine, giving it a gentle squeeze before I cuddled deeper into his left side and placed our now entwined hands in his lap.

We continued watching Iron Man, Edward sporadically placing gentle kisses on the top of my head until I fell asleep in his arms, leaning against his chest. I wasn’t sure how long I was asleep before I felt movement. I opened my eyes, still half asleep, to notice I was being carried upstairs. My eyes kept drifting closed, but I tried to fight them as Edward softly laid me down on my bed, covered me up and curled in behind me, holding me tight. I recognized that Edward was taking the liberty of inviting himself to spend the night, but I was too tired and too comfortable in his arms to complain.

Just before I drifted back to sleep, I felt Edward’s lips on my right shoulder, briefly placing an innocent kiss on my skin.

“Goodnight, Bella. Sleep well, I’ll be here to chase your demons away.”